A.

Antony Gormley

How did an academic child of privilege and would-be Buddhist monk become Britain’s ‘artist of the people’? Antony Gormley talks to Nigel Farndale

Because of their human scale, the half-dozen sculptures waiting to be shipped out of Antony Gormley’s cavernous studio in north London seem as mortal as the half-dozen technicians welding, grinding and winching around them.

Some of the sculptures are bubble wrapped, others crouch on the floor or defy gravity by leaning out from the wall, others still are standing in the middle of the room, passive observers of the industrial scene around them: the flying sparks; the echoey screech of metal cutting through metal; the rattle of chains.

Part of the appeal of Gormley’s sculpture, from the vast Angel of the North on a hill in Gateshead to the army of tiny clay figures with which he won the Turner Prize in 1994, is the way we, the viewers, project on to them. And here, as I sit in his studio watching our photographer finish her portrait of him, I do find myself thinking of them as alive.

It would be as well to begin by describing what Gormley looks like, given that since his first major work, Bed, made in 1981 – a double mattress made from slices of bread, out of which he had eaten his own body shape and weight – his work has nearly always involved casts of his own body. So: Gormley is a tall, trim man in a white T-shirt and white jeans. His hair is cropped short and he wears rimless glasses. He looks about 42, but is actually 20 years older than that.

His manner is that of a slightly distracted academic, which is sort of what he is (an honorary fellow of Trinity, his old college at Cambridge). Though he is articulate when discussing his work, his speech is ponderous. He stands close to you when he talks, an invader of personal space.

He shows me one of the models that have been cast from his body, a figure sitting with its legs tightly drawn in. “I had to be strapped in for an hour for that,” he says. Shrugging off my inevitable question about pins and needles, he adds: “It was worth it.” The comment seems all the more remarkable when you consider he suffers from claustrophobia, a condition he has willed himself to overcome.

Though he claims he is fine today, he ought to be jet-lagged, having just flown in from Tokyo. Before that he was in Hong Kong, New York, Washington and Brasilia, 20 days of installations, exhibits and talks. But I imagine he’s quite like this all the time. A little lost in his thoughts.

He shows me a model of his latest work, called Model, which went on display at White Cube Bermondsey this week, but which isn’t finished on the day I meet him. To say this project is ambitious doesn’t begin to cover it.

It is a reclining body composed of cubes and is so big – 100 tons of sheet steel, 105ft long and 18ft high – people can walk through it. You enter through the foot and journey through its interconnected internal chambers. It is, in other words, both a sculpture and a building. “You and I might be able to see that that is a lying body, described in the language of architecture,” he says. “But I think coming into the space, you’re never really going to be able to tell what the hell it is. It’s going to be a dark, labyrinthine, cave-like experience.” It’s not obvious that it is a human figure, then. “An early idea was that we would not allow people to see the outside at all, but then we decided there should be a room in which you can see dozens of scale models of it. So the idea is that, in a sense, we are modelling the body, but we’re also mining it.” He’s not sure yet whether viewers will need to go through it one at a time, but will there be warnings for claustrophobia sufferers? “I think there probably should be warnings. And for people with heart conditions, because the thing is, it will be quite acoustically alive. I will have to dip slightly to get in.” (In the end, visitors are asked to sign a warning notice before entering.)

So, a big question for a big work of art, what does it, um, mean? “I suppose, the concept of the show is really just to say, ‘How can we rethink the model?’ Because it has so many contradictory meanings, doesn’t it? It’s either the perfect model, the aspired to perfection, or it’s just something that you have to copy, the scale model of something. Or is it a real body that you’re using as your reference?” And did this start, as usual, with his own body? “Yeah, yeah, but this was actually not started the way that most of the work starts, in other words, with a cast.”

He says he doesn’t know how people are going to interact with Model until they start using it, and that is a consistent feature of his work. He didn’t mind the appearance of bikinis and hard hats on his life-size figures on Crosby beach, and he loved it when Newcastle United fans fitted out the Angel of the North with an Alan Shearer shirt. “People had interpreted it in their own way, and taken ownership of it. That was a baptism, in the manner of the tribes of the North – they were unified in their love of football but pretty uncertain about a namby-pamby thing like art. So it was a really important moment.” What was the initial reaction to it? Did the good folk of Gateshead, er, reserve judgment? “When they heard that there was going to be a 200-ton, 65ft-high rusting angel on their hill, they weren’t very thrilled about it. But once it was there, they got very enthusiastic, from the moment it arrived, actually.” Does he enjoy watching people’s reactions as they first encounter his “public art”? “Yeah, and I’ve now asked for catalogues not to simply show the isolated object in beautiful whiteness, but instead show how people interact with the work.” He shows me a picture of one, Horizon Field Hamburg, a large platform suspended 24ft above the ground. “So this is just a plane, 50m by 25m, but it invites action. In the end, this became a catalogue of how people chose to interact with the strange, uncanny feeling of being in the air. This was an instrument for people to propriocept.” Blimey. Propriocept. No, I didn’t know either. It means observe themselves perceiving their own bodies. It’s obvious from these photographs that the spectators are having fun rather than being earnest and contemplative, which is how people often think they have to behave in galleries. There’s something about the formality of the gallery, I say, that prompts a certain awkwardness in people, they go into character slightly – become the “gallery goer”.

“Yes, I suppose as a viewer you are on show, in the same way that the works are, because everybody can look at you. But with this work,” he holds up the picture again, “eve rybody learnt from everybody else. I did get everybody to take their shoes and socks off, prior to being allowed into the space at all, so there was a sense in which there was a loosening of the normal rules of gallery behaviour, but it was the kids that really loosened everybody up.” I suppose before art became elevated as an intellectual endeavour it wasn’t on a pedestal at all, just part of our everyday life. “Yes, I like playing with that idea. I think it’s probably the Dutch who are to blame for starting the whole ‘art business’, because before they came along art was attached to relatively stable structures, and it was everybody’s. It was like going to the movies.” Making art accessible to everyone, and engaging members of the public in the making of it, has been a recurring theme of his work, most obviously realised in One & Other (2009), a project in which 2,400 people took it in turns to spend an hour on top of the Fourth Plinth in Trafalgar Square.

But that plinth idea divided the critics, as they say, and it drew its share of exhibitionists, as did another of his works involving members of the public, Clay and the Collective Body. For that installation, which involved giving up to 100 people at a time a 100-ton mass of clay to play with, they had two psychiatrists on standby in case things got out of hand (they were worried people might start copulating, for example, or urinating). In the end the only incident involved what Gormley described as a “bunch of crazy French people” who took all their clothes off and started behaving in “a slightly destructive way”.

This populist instinct, if that is what it is, might seem at odds with Gormley’s rather elitist and pious background. His father, who died in 1979, was a pharmaceuticals magnate. He was also a devout Catholic and disciplinarian who used to beat his seven children. The family home was a grand house in Hampstead, with a chauffeur and maids. School was Ampleforth, the equally grand public school in Yorkshire. After Cambridge, Gormley set off for India on the hippie trail. He was gone for nearly three years, contracted typhoid, studied meditation and thought about becoming a Buddhist monk. He then returned to the fold and trained at the Slade, where he met his wife (and the mother of his three children), the painter Vicken Parsons.

There was a bit of grit in his upbringing as well as privilege, then. His father, as he puts it, was “very controlling and very ambitious. There was a sense that whatever one did one wasn’t quite good enough, whether that was declining Latin verbs or excelling at sport.” It is poignant to think that his father didn’t live long enough to witness his youngest son’s achievements, and popularity.

Perhaps his most popular work was the one he exhibited in 2007, Event Horizon. Gormley figures began appearing on the rooftops around Waterloo Bridge. Pedestrians stopped and pointed at them, intrigued. Did he go and watch their reactions? “I did watch, from the balcony at the Hayward, but then very quickly they were assimilated, like a new lamp-post or a bit of street furniture would be assimilated.” When the show appeared in other capitals, however, the response was more alarming. In New York police were called after reports that the figures were “jumpers” about to throw themselves off the buildings. The same happened in Brazil earlier this year.

Gormley seems pleased that many of his sculptures will be around much longer than him. “Our time is provisional,” he says. “They are facts that are not going to go away, and that are… well, the ones in the tide-line at Crosby are changing the whole time, because they’re rusting, and getting covered in barnacles and all that, but on the whole they’re kind of enduring, in a way that we are not.” Since it’s his body that they’re modelled on, is it a form of immortality? He shakes his head. “I’m not interested in that at all. I’m simply trying to be practical. There’s no point in making another body when you have one already. The only way of doing that is to use the material that you’re closest to, the material that you live inside.” Tellingly, Gormley often talks about his sculptures as if they are real people. I know I find them strangely moving, but what about him? “I feel uncomfortable talking about this because all I know is it’s important to me that they have an authenticity that comes from a lived moment, and then, beyond that, I am aware that they are empty and nameless. They’re being, not doing, and they are waiting. They have time, we have consciousness, and they are waiting for the viewer’s thoughts and feelings.” He thinks the figures’ vulnerability and “uselessness” gives them a certain pathos. “This is the absolute antithesis of heroic sculpture,” he says.

Members of the public seemed to find Field for the British Isles, the 40,000 tiny terracotta models, affecting in a slightly different way, one which they couldn’t necessarily articulate. How would he describe that effect? “I’m not quite sure what the feeling is… yearning? Accusation? But those tiny figures are definitely looking for something, those eyes, those little becoming things. And I think there is a sense in which the work, because of the way it’s been made, is a reservoir for the unspoken thoughts and feelings of all of the makers.” Gormley is referring to the teams of volunteers who helped make the figures. He describes the end of their first day making these “little surrogate beings”; when the lights were turned off, they felt like they were abandoning them. “It was sort of magical, really,” he says. “They hadn’t been there in the morning, and then they were there in the evening. It felt odd to leave them there in the dark.”

As well as having an OBE, Gormley is both a Royal Academician and a trustee of the British Museum. Indeed he has to head off there now for a trustees’ dinner, he says. Will he change out of his T-shirt, or is he expected to look the bohemian artist part? He gives a rare laugh. “I think I might put a dark suit on, just so I blend in.” Does he consider himself part of the art establishment nowadays? “I’m not living in a Scottish croft.” Good answer. Does he ever feel misunderstood? He’s very articulate about his art, but he also clearly feels he has to explain it all the time, and perhaps justify it. “I feel terribly misunderstood, I feel terribly misunderstood.” (This is a speech quirk of his, by the way, the repeated phrases.)

I ask about his critics, most prominent among them being Brian Sewell, who has dismissed Gormley’s work as having “absolutely no artistic merit”. He has also said: “I find it rather ludicrous that a man approaching later middle age can think of nothing more than his own body as symbolising this, that and the other.” And one early review of Model called Gormley “A model of hype”. ‘Do such comments make him want to convert his critics, or does he think: “I’ll never change their attitude”?

“Well, I think critics are very useful. But I think that they, in a way, betray their position when they stop people looking for themselves. Judgment is very easy, but I think, on the whole, professional critics maybe see too much, and compare too much, and forget the joy of actually looking and contemplating for its own sake.” He begins rubbing his scalp, kneading it with his long fingers. “When criticism becomes an exercise of judgment over curiosity, and it blocks other people’s ability to exercise their own curiosity, I think that’s a real shame.” Maybe it is simply that the critics can’t quite forgive him for being popular. “I think there’s a big difference between popular and populist. I have no interest in being popular for its own sake. I am, however, interested in the idea that art should be everybody’s. Sadly, most modern art is about other art. And I think that’s a tragedy because it requires its own priesthood to interpret it.”

There is also the resentment caused by his commercial success to consider. Along with his rival Anish Kapoor, to whom he lost out in a bid to make “Boris’s Folly”, the artistic centrepiece for the Olympic Park, Gormley is this country’s most successful sculptor and it has clearly made him rich. This summer he paid £3 million for High House, a late-Georgian mansion set in 129 acres of parkland near Swaffham, Norfolk. He plans to spend a further £1.5 million restoring it. His creations sell for sizeable sums: a man-sized model used in the making of Angel of the North went for £2 million in 2008.

Does he ever have people taking stuff out of his bins, and thinking this must be worth something because it’s “an Antony Gormley”? “I don’t know. I wouldn’t know whether people have nicked things out of my bins or not.” Has he ever signed a napkin to pay for a meal, then? “No, I haven’t. I don’t, erm… I’m very happy to do the odd drawing for anybody, but I feel slightly uncomfortable about artists behaving like that, turning a scribble into a meal.” He seems a likeable if earnest man, a deep thinker who is pleasingly uncynical about his art. As a parting gift he presents me with a rather handsomely illustrated book about his work, and, on the principle that you never know what a well-placed signature might one day be worth, I ask him to sign it for me, which he does, with best wishes.

D.

Daniel Radcliffe

Daniel Radcliffe remains remarkably well adjusted for someone who, even at 23, still has to endure being called ‘Harry Potter’ every day. Just don’t ask about his bank balance…

Daniel Radcliffe bounds in to the hotel room like an eager puppy, all hand shakes and smiles for the assembled publicists, PAs and make-up artists. He is talking excitedly about the “gorgeous blonde” he just met in the corridor. She had asked if he could direct her to her room – not so subtly revealing her room number in the process – and he hadn’t been able to assist her. “But it wouldn’t have worked anyway,” he says, “because she was about 6ft 2in.” He’s joking, he has a girlfriend, but the point he makes about his height is an intriguing one. He is 5ft 5in. This is the first thing you notice about him, but luckily it is not the first thing the camera notices. Film cameras love a male lead whose head looks slightly too big for his body, and smaller actors are more likely to have this golden ratio than taller ones: think Alan Ladd, Humphrey Bogart, James Dean, Dustin Hoffman, Tom Cruise and so on.
Today, at 23, Radcliffe looks limber and lean in jeans and checked shirt, with prominent dark eyebrows and wide blue eyes. Almost in parody of his cameo for Ricky Gervais’s Extras – he played himself as a horny teenager desperate to look rebellious – he tells me he is “addicted to nicotine” and needs to have a cigarette before we begin our interview. He rolls one up and smokes it out of the window.
I ask if this is a privilege of film stars. “They let me do it here so that I don’t have to stand outside,” he says. “There will be photographers, not for me, but just because they hang around smart hotels like this. It’s pretty much the only thing I exploit my position for, to be allowed to smoke inside.” Well I should think a lot of the time he doesn’t have to exploit his position because “his people” exploit it for him, clearing a path, booking the best table and so on. “I try not to let that stuff happen, but yes, it could be happening without me knowing. I don’t have an entourage in my personal life. I get driven here and I get driven home, but that’s it. I hate that kind of dropping a name to get a table stuff. Maybe it’s an English thing that there’s just some sort of embarrassment saying: ‘Hello, I’m Daniel Radcliffe, does that make a difference to you?’”
That he qualifies his comment about the photographers by saying that they won’t necessarily be waiting for him is telling. His modesty, self-deprecation and good manners are instantly apparent, and a great credit to his parents who managed to forge a well-rounded and functional personality out of potentially dysfunctional circumstances.
If anything, Radcliffe seems slightly too eager not to appear starry or arrogant. He tells me he never does drugs, having seen the effects they have on people. And after a few too many drinking binges that ended in blackouts he gave up alcohol in 2010. He has said in the past that he was a “really annoying, loud, inappropriate, messy drunk”.
Was it that when he was drunk he revealed a side of his personality he didn’t like? “It wasn’t that I became a nasty person at all, it was just that I felt that I was running away from thinking about things. It was a way of ignoring all my own fears about ‘Will I be able to keep going in this business after the Harry Potter series ends?’ You know, it was a way of, I think, coping with that. And it was a very bad way of coping with that.”
Well, there was life for him in the film world after Potter. On the morning I meet him the papers are all carrying stories about the film he starred in earlier this year: The Woman in Black, which has become the highest-grossing British horror in 20 years, taking more than $127 million around the world. The stories, which he hasn’t had a chance to see, are about how The Woman in Black has become the most complained about film of the year, because even though it was 12A, parents took their young children to it. “Oh that,” he says, looking relieved when I tell him why he is in the papers. “I do take a small tincture of pride about it being the most complained-about film. I would have thought from the trailer that you could sense what kind of a movie it was going to be. I said at the time, if your kid is under 12, I would advise them not to see this film. Apparently there was a girl at the British premier who fainted and when I heard that, I was, like, ‘we did something right’.” (A film he stars in next year may prove even more traumatic for Harry Potter fans; in Horns, he plays a man who suddenly sprouts devil horns, and who may or may not be a killer.)
That film was something of a rite of passage for Radcliffe, an emphatic signal that he had moved on from Harry Potter. “There was a part of me in some scenes that was slightly scared of my own face, because I know that my face is…” He trails off. “I’m scared of any sort of expression looking like a Harry expression, and so I think that the journey for me in the last year is kind of about acceptance, of going, ‘This is my face and it was also the face that played Harry’. I have to stop fighting that aspect, and not worry about being expressive at times. As far as I can tell, most actors’ main motivation is self-doubt and neuroses.”
I ask if he felt a great weight on his shoulders as an 11 year-old when he was chosen as the star of what was expected to be a blockbuster franchise? I mean, that first film could have failed; people could have said it isn’t as good as the book and the whole thing could have fizzled out. Was it stressful? “Not at that age. I didn’t start to feel that pressure until much later. I think probably, that’s one of the best things about Chris Columbus [the director], he made the process so enjoyable we never thought of it as anything but fun, and it really wasn’t until the third film that I started going ‘OK, now I want to really dedicate myself to this and start learning about acting and getting better’.’’
That he was working alongside some of the greats of British film and theatre – Alan Rickman, Michael Gambon, Gary Oldman – meant that he was learning from the best. Indeed there was little point in him going to Rada after he left school – not that he went to school, having had tutors on the set instead. But what about university? “I got my ASs but dropped out before taking my As because I figured university is something you do to find out what you want to do, and I knew what I wanted to do, and I was already doing it.” His co-star Emma Watson (Hermione) was able to combine the two, though. Did he not fancy doing that? “Well fair play to her, but I don’t think that I could have done that. And bear in mind, I did well in my GCSEs and my AS-levels, I got good grades and I was happy with them, but Emma’s grades made mine look pretty f—— shabby, you know. Emma is seriously academic.”
Besides, he is a voracious reader of poetry and fiction, as I discover when he tells me about Kill Your Darlings, the low budget but artistically uncompromised film he made after The Woman in Black, which is due to be released next year. He plays the poet Allen Ginsberg and his knowledge about and passion for the Beat Generation is certainly impressive; Radcliffe can talk at length about Ginsberg’s journey from middle-class conformity to the world of “rich, moneyed libertines”.
He’s also amusing about what it was like playing a gay man. “I was in a position that I had not been in before,” he recalls. “It was slightly odd, but that film was shot so rapidly there was no time for prudishness or for worry.” On the subject of his love life – he’s straight, by the way – he says it is much easier dating girls who are in the film world because “they can be relaxed about all the time you have to be on location, and the love scenes you have to do. Where you’re kissing someone else, that takes a bit of getting used to, for everybody. And even when I went out with an actress who was having to do a love scene with somebody, I was like ‘Erm… I’m not sure I’m going to watch that’. It is always a weird thing, there’s no getting away from that.
“The Ginsberg film wasn’t so much of a problem in that respect because it was mainly men that I was interested in for that.”
Before that film is released there will be another literary outing, this time a TV miniseries. A Young Doctor’s Notebook is a black comedy set during the Russian Revolution adapted from several short stories by his favourite Russian writer, Mikhail Bulgakov. His co-star is Mad Men’s Jon Hamm, who will play the same character, a doctor, in an older guise. “I think they were going to release it in the spring of next year,” says Radcliffe, who adds that he’s “immensely flattered” that he might one day turn into Hamm. “And then they were, like, ‘Let’s release it at Christmas, because there’s lots of snow in it’. It’s not remotely festive, but it’s snowing all the time.”
During filming he says he learnt quite a lot about how to amputate limbs. “And I do think I could probably perform a tracheotomy now.”
In terms of his role choices, you have to admire the determination with which he has avoided anything that can be compared to Harry Potter, especially when you consider how much pressure he must have been under to consolidate on his success in that role. Before the Ginsberg and the Bulgakov he had an even more unexpected stage debut, at the age of 18 in 2007. It was in Equus, Peter Shaffer’s controversial play about sexual deviation.
“That was a signal of intent,” he says now. “Looking back, that’s probably the most important choice I’ve ever made, in terms of things outside of Potter, because it showed people that I’m not just here to capitalise on the fame that I’ve got from Potter for as long as I can. That’s not what I’m about. I’m playing a much longer game than that.”
The part entailed a nude scene that prompted the inevitable headline “Harry gets his wand out”. But it was worth it. Charles Spencer of The Daily Telegraph hailed Radcliffe’s “dramatic power” and “electrifying stage presence”. For most men, I say, exposing yourself in front of a crowd of strangers is the stuff of nightmares. So what was it like? “It’s odd the first couple of times you do it, but it does just become a job. Looking back, I do think I was probably braver then than I am now. I spoke to a friend who did Hair, and he said: ‘I like getting naked on stage, it’s fun’ and I said: ‘You were in Hair! You got naked for, like, a minute, and it’s an ensemble with loads of naked people. Mine was on my own and lasted 10 minutes!’ ”
His life so far is hard to empathise with, I say – he’s the richest person under 30 in this country, for example – but I wonder whether his teens were all that different from everyone else’s. When I was that age, as I recall, I was rather self-conscious. Was self-consciousness ever an option for him, given that he was by then used to having his face projected on cinema screens and billboards across the land?
“You can still be self-conscious in my position. And shy. Shyness displays itself differently in me. I think it’s more an awkwardness. Like when I go to those events, like the Baftas, or like I was invited to this thing called the Met Ball, and I ended up having a good night because I took a friend, but normally I feel very awkward at events like that.”
Because? “Because I don’t feel that I’m good at small talk, and I’m not… You know, meeting people in that fleeting way, I never know how to give an accurate impression of myself, so I just become nervous, and stumbley.”
When people recognise him in the street, do they say “Hey, there’s Harry Potter!” or do they say “There’s Daniel Radcliffe”? “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get Harry Potter at all. Of course I do. But you know what? I’d say the split is now rather encouragingly in favour of Daniel Radcliffe, which is rather lovely. I walked past two girls on a bench the other day, and I heard them both go ‘Oh my God, it’s Daniel Radcliffe’, and every time that happens I think: ‘Yesss!’ Not because they recognise me, because they use my name.”
One’s teenage years are awkward enough without having to live them in a spotlight, I say. Did he have people around him helping him deal with the pressures of fame – therapists, I suppose I mean? “You know, the people I talk to are my mum and dad. They are amazing people, and were always great at making me aware of which parts of it were real and which weren’t, and making me aware of which parts were important and which were not.”
It helped that they were in the business, he says. His father, Alan, is a former literary agent, who gave up his job to chaperone his son when he was chosen from thousands to play Harry Potter. His mother, Marcia, is a casting agent, who put him forward for that fateful audition.
So even though he was growing up on film sets, where the whole world was apparently revolving around him, his parents managed to keep his ego in check? “I don’t think that’s in me to be honest. I’ve not got… I’ve always had, like, from the age of about 11, I’ve had such an intolerance for bad behaviour of actors that I don’t think I was ever going to be that person.” What about the financial side of things? “I have an amazing lawyer, and I have my mum, and I have my accountant, who was my mum’s accountant when she was young. He’s called Keith and he’s also brilliant.”
I imagine Keith knows how much young Daniel is worth, but does Daniel know? “I do not, no. I hear things said, but I don’t know if any of them are true. And I never want to seem ungrateful for it all, but the money is not a motivating factor in my life. Also,” he adds with a laugh, “I would be the last person who should be left in charge of it, frankly. Because I am so terrible at maths. Not that I’d blow it or anything, but I just wouldn’t do anything with it.”
Thanks to his mother’s investment skills, then, he owns several properties in London and New York, as well as an impressive art collection including works by Damien Hirst and Craigie Aitchison. His personal fortune has been estimated as being not unadjacent to £50 million. Should the estimate be higher or lower? “I’m not going to play this guessing game,” he says politely but firmly. “I’m just not.”
His politeness seems to be one of his defining characteristics. For his own part he has, in the past, described himself as nerdy, hyperactive and skittish, and you can see little hints of those things in his personality, too. But no one seems to have a bad word to say about him, and that, all things considered, is quite an achievement.
It is time for his photograph and so we return to the other room. A change of shirt is needed and Radcliffe strips off to reveal an impressive six-pack, and biceps that can only have come from hours in the gym. And, yes, he does this completely without self-consciousness.

C.

Colm Tóibín

With a mind as formidable as his features, Colm Tóibín is now firmly a part of Ireland’s literary landscape. It’s both a blessing and a curse.


‘Listen,” Colm Tóibín says. I listen, though there is nothing to hear. “And it gets even quieter at night,” he adds, “because nearly all the properties around here are used as offices.” We are standing in the upstairs study of his four-storey Georgian house in Dublin, the place where he does his writing in a hard-backed rattan chair, at night.
The 57-year-old author shows me a work-in-progress on his desk, written in longhand in a notebook. “I have to write a first draft with a fountain pen before I type it up as a second,” he explains. “John Lanchester and Philip Hensher do the same. I bumped into them the other night and we were all doing our pen talk.”
Tóibín talks in a strong but ponderous voice — which is, by the way, as Irish as whiskey with an “e”. The deliberation, he reckons, may be a compensation for a childhood stammer. He avoids starting sentences with hard consonants. In conversation with him you have to hold your nerve and not rush to fill the long silences, as he is probably half way through a thought.
“I was waiting to get money out of a machine last night,” he tells me, “and there were these two lads who were slightly drunk messing about in front of me in the queue. The cheekier one looked at me and said: ‘So you’re busy at the moment?’ I must have been looking quite severe and was about to say ‘Yes I am, and I want to get home’ when he added ‘with the writing?’ and I had to smile. I took out my ink pen, held it up and went ‘Yeah’.”
His manner, if not his appearance, is friendly and humorous. It’s his formidable bald head that makes him look, as he puts it “severe”. That and his dark clumps of eyebrow and the deep, ventriloquist’s dummy creases that frame his mouth. Given that he describes things for a living, I ask him how he would describe himself. “I have no sense of it at all. None. None.” He must have read some of the descriptions others have given of him, though; how his appearance seems at odds with his smiling demeanour?
“Yes I can see that. I have a psychiatrist friend who tells me that my melancholy in print is the opposite to me in person. I asked him if it would be possible for me to have an integrated personality and he said ‘which would you like to be?’ and I said ‘I don’t know,’ and he said, ‘Well, there’.”
Tóibín’s last novel, Brooklyn, about an Irish woman who emigrates to America in the Fifties, won the Costa Prize and is being made into a film by the people who made An Education, again with a screenplay by Nick Hornby that Tóibín describes as “really very good”.
His latest novel, which is novella length, is called The Testament of Mary. That’s Mary as in the Virgin Mary. In old age she is giving her version of the life of Christ. Having spent a lifetime listening to everyone else’s versions, she is angry. “They appear more often now,” she reflects at one point, referring to two of Jesus’s disciples. “Both of them, and on every visit they seem more impatient with me and with the world. There is something hungry and rough in them. A brutality boiling in their blood.”
It may seem like sacrilege to some, but Christians are more tolerant than Muslims when it comes to having their sacred figures fictionalised, I say. Indeed, I bet Salman Rushdie wishes he had written about Mary rather than Mohammed.
“Yes, I wonder if that is more true in Europe than America, though,” Tóibín says. “Here we have a history of putting words into Mary’s mouth. George Moore and DH Lawrence did it. Monty Python did it! The issue with Salman was people believed what his characters were saying was what he thought, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how a novel works, how a writer works. Most of the protesters hadn’t even read the book.”
Tóibín sees his book as “a pure act of empathy. Trying to imagine what it would have been like for Mary, and in doing that I found myself in a difficult space I didn’t want to go into again, ever. Even reading it over was disturbing.”
We have moved into another study further down the house, and he is sitting in a shadowed corner, on a long black sofa. His thinking sofa. As he talks he rubs his head in an elaborate, two-handed massage. For the most part he avoids eye contact, as he is articulating a thought, but when he comes to the end of it he will level a direct look at me.
When not writing he teaches English literature at Columbia University, two days a week, for one semester a year. He used to teach the creative writing course at Manchester University, taking over the post from Martin Amis.
Tóibín explains that he once told a class that “you have to be a terrible monster to write. I said, ‘Someone might have told you something they shouldn’t have told you, and you have to be prepared to use it because it will make a great story. You have to use it even though the person is identifiable. If you can’t do it then writing isn’t for you. You’ve no right to be here. If there is any way I can help you get into law school then I will. Your morality will be more useful in a courtroom.’”
In The Master, Tóibín’s Booker-shortlisted novel based on the life of Henry James, he describes James being at his sister’s bedside as she lies dying. James has never seen anyone die before, yet that hasn’t stopped him imagining in his fiction what it is like. But as he watches his sister he realises the limitations of his own imagination.
It is one of my favourite scenes in the book because the death is so vividly described, presumably because, unlike James, Tóibín had witnessed a death. “I had, I had. Texture, all of that. I don’t think you can make that up. James had written that wonderful death scene in Portrait of a Lady before seeing anyone dying. It is beautiful but it doesn’t seem to capture the physical business.” Does that make Tóibín, to use his own term, a “terrible monster”?
“I think it does actually, where you know something and you think this is none of anyone’s business, so private…Yet here you are now using it in small details that are unmistakable, by necessity, almost because you have to once the image comes to you. You can’t leave it out.”
Tóibín was 12 when he started writing, the year his father, a teacher, died. I ask if that was the “death bed scene” he witnessed. “No, I didn’t see that. And I think it makes it harder not seeing. People still think 12 year-olds should be spared certain experiences, but I’m not sure it is true.”
But not all description needs to be anchored in personal experience. Tóibín is gay yet that didn’t stop him writing a convincing heterosexual sex scene in Brooklyn. “Yes the challenge there was to avoid all forms of simile and metaphor. I wanted it to be almost a manual of what they did next. The reader could fill in the feelings. I did check that scene with a woman. She told me things I didn’t know.”
During the Queen’s historic visit to the Republic of Ireland last year, Tóibín was given the job of introducing her to 10 writers and editors. “The level of her politeness was great. Before her visit I was consulted by the British Embassy about what [the visit] would mean and what it should look like. It was interesting to sit with them and say, ‘Look, there is no downside in this. This is as good as the British are going to get. Her visit is not a problem, it is a solution.’”
Was he comfortable with her decision to bow her head at Dublin’s Garden of Remembrance, given that it is dedicated to the memory of “all those who gave their lives in the cause of Irish Freedom”, in other words the IRA?
“We are embarrassed about that place here. It is ugly because it is used to commemorate people of violence. We came to like the garden less than the people in England did because it had more potential to destabilise our society than yours. You don’t have a problem with having members of Sinn Féin in your parliament. We do.” He was glad she wore gloves for her handshake with Martin McGuinness this year and he hoped she had the fingers of her other hand crossed. “But at least Martin McGuinness doesn’t deny he was in the IRA, unlike Gerry Adams. Which is a strange thing for him to do, because no one believes his denials.”
Some of Tóibín’s own forebears were in the IRA and took part in the Easter Rising of 1916. Did he grow up with a romantic view of the IRA? “My uncle [who was in the IRA] died in 1994 so I was very close to him. As a kid I was always amused by the story that he couldn’t eat cabbage because his stomach was affected by his hunger strike. I thought he was getting away with not having to eat cabbage.
“But I always say, in America, I was brought up by terrorists and that it was never a problem because they always become very conservative in the end, when they get certain things given to them. They become fine upstanding members of the community. They also become good Catholics.”
Ah, yes, the Catholic church in Ireland. What is Tóibín’s take on its shattered reputation? “Priests are in a very difficult position here, now, because the church has said that, to make up for all that has happened, if there is a single accusation against a single priest he must be suspended. What happened to innocence until guilt is proven?
“Of course, the real difficulty is that, wherever they could, the priests just did their worst. Their worst! Give them an orphanage, an opportunity, and they did their worst. There isn’t one best-case scenario.”
When I ask if he is in a relationship at the moment, he says he lives here alone, emphasising the word “here”, but declining to elaborate. He has other properties, after all: a flat in Barcelona, a shared house in the Pyrénées and a house in Enniscorthy, Ireland.
“Solitude is good in the evening,” he says. “Dublin is a quiet city when you get to a certain age, when your friends settle down and have kids. Nothing much happens here. There are few book launches and if you don’t have a pub where you go to, which I don’t, then it can be quiet. If I scream no one would hear me.”
When I ask him what he makes of the literary tourists who flock to his city, he rolls his eyes. “It’s Joyce and Beckett they come for mostly. One year I forgot it was Bloom’s Day [when people dress up as characters from Ulysses]. I had a shopping bag in each hand because I had just been to Marks & Spencer and people kept asking me: ‘Which character has two bags?’”
After signing his new novel for me, he leads the way downstairs past a Francis Bacon print in the hallway towards two unpacked cases by the front door. One is open and has his toothbrush and toothpaste sitting on top. “I got back from a trip yesterday and still haven’t got around to unpacking,” he says with something approaching bohemian pride.
There are, it seems, little unexplained narratives wherever you look in Colm Tóibín’s life. Halfway through our conversation I got up for what Americans call a comfort break, leaving my tape recorder running. When I play my tape a few days later I listen to the few minutes of silence in which Tóibín sits alone, only to discover that after a minute he says a word under his breath, as if just remembering something. The word is four letters long and begins with “F”.

C.

Colin Powell

Reagan and Bush trusted him. Bill Clinton feared him. Opponents of the war in Iraq blamed him. But why didn’t Colin Powell seize power when he had the chance?

Having read that General Colin Powell insists on punctuality, I arrive an hour before my appointment at his office – which is in a leafy part of Washington DC – planning to find a quiet corner to go through my notes as I wait. There is no one else around but, as I’m entering the building, a silver sports car roars up: a brand new, six-litre V8 Corvette. I’m pretty sure it’s him behind the wheel, and equally sure he hasn’t clocked me.
“I saw you arriving,” he says when we meet an hour later. Of course he did.
Like Tony Blair and George Bush, he must have to watch out for strangers on his doorstep, or rather loonies and conspiracy theorists wishing to protest about the Iraq War. Although Powell advised Bush to delay the invasion and give the UN inspectors time to do their work, he ultimately failed to rein in the hawkish Cheney and Rumsfeld and then, with his 2003 speech to the UN that accused Saddam’s regime of “concealing their efforts to produce more weapons of mass destruction”, he gave a veneer of respectability to the war. Or so his critics claim.
In the corner of his office there is a 19th-century saddle, one used by the Buffalo Soldiers, the nickname given to the Negro Cavalry. On the walls are photographs of Powell with the four presidents he has served, going back to Reagan. I study them as our photographer takes his last shots, then I look down and see the Corvette parked in the courtyard below. Nice car, I say. But I’m surprised he doesn’t have a driver and bodyguards. “No, I dispensed with my security team exactly six minutes after Condi took over from me at the State Department.” That was in 2005, when Condoleezza Rice became Secretary of State, only the second black person in history to hold that office – Powell being the first. “There were about 20 of them,” he continues. “And they used to guard the whole street. My neighbours loved it. Safest place in northern Virginia. But I wanted to be able to drive myself    so I said: ‘Guys, you’ve been wonderful. You’re all relieved of your duties.’ What about public places? “When I’m flying I go to the airport in a baseball cap and windbreaker and I stand in line and talk to people. I also like to sit and watch people go by, and I’ve come to the conclusion that most Americans need to be on a diet, and need a dress code.” At 75, Powell is still physically imposing, 6ft 2in with broad shoulders.
And he does still get recognised, most of the time. “I was coming back from Jamaica and a German couple were getting off the elevator and the husband said to his wife: ‘Look, Frieda, look, you know who that is? It’s General Schwarzkopf.’” His new book is full of such self-deprecation. Called It Worked for Me: In Life and Leadership, it is an odd mix of the profound and the quirky, such as his hobby of fixing broken down old Volvos. “Well, I am quirky!” he says when I point this out. “In my first memoir I had to cover my experiences as the chair of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and national security adviser and when we were halfway through, my collaborator looked at me and said: ‘Do you know how boring this —- is?’ So this book has more of the quirky stuff.” As well he knows, that earlier memoir, which was published in 1996, was far from boring, which was why it became an international bestseller. Not only did it cover his time as a war hero in Vietnam and the small matter of his being in charge of the First Gulf War (he was Schwarzkopf’s boss), it also showed how he was the embodiment of the American dream, rising from a modest childhood in the Bronx to a glittering career, first in the army then in politics.
This new book doesn’t so much take up the story since then as use anecdotes about his career to explain his theories about leadership, one such being that any organisation should make sure its employees aren’t afraid to deliver bad news. A good example is the way no one dared show Rumsfeld the Abu Ghraib prison torture pictures, which meant the problem was allowed to grow. I ask if another example might be the way that, in the days before his “infamous” (his term) speech to the UN in 2003, American Intelligence chiefs didn’t share their doubts with him regarding their own claims about Saddam’s WMD capabilities.
This is an uncomfortable subject for Powell. He has referred to it as a “blot” on his record. His wife, Alma, has gone further and said that he was “callously used” by the White House. He was enormously popular, you see, and polls showed him to be the most trusted man in American politics.
The Intelligence community knew the information he was going to reveal was suspect, but no one dare admit it to him; was that it? “Not just me, they weren’t telling their Intelligence superiors. Some agents have since claimed that they tried to tell their superiors, but the superiors say they never did. All of us, me, the president, our British friends, all accepted what we were being told, without knowing there were serious weaknesses.” It takes courage to admit to your boss that you don’t know something. “Yes, it takes courage from a junior coming in who is about to get his head taken off if I don’t like what he says. But you also have to create an environment where, if your people know more about something than you do, then they will tell you. ‘Tell me what you know and don’t be put off if I argue back with you. I am arguing with you to get everything out of you I can, and then I’ll make a decision.’” He writes in the book about how a general has to trust his instincts in war. Did his instinct fail him on that occasion in 2003, to the extent that he failed to ask the right questions? I’m thinking especially about the single source, the agent known as Curveball who claimed that Saddam had mobile laboratories to conceal biological weapons. “I didn’t know of a Curveball at the time of my speech, I didn’t know there was a single source.” Were they telling him information hadn’t come from a single source?
“Yes. They told me there were multiple sources. I wouldn’t have accepted it if it was just one guy in a German detention camp. A lot of the things that were in the basic Intelligence document that was sent to Congress four months before my speech, I challenged – not because it was wrong, but because it had a single source, or just didn’t sound right. But with respect to what I did use at the UN, all the leadership of the government was behind it, including Congress. It was four months later that the president said: ‘OK, take the Intelligence document and make a presentation on it to the UN.’” He wasn’t given enough time to do the job properly, but rather was bounced into it? Was that it? “Rather than starting from a running position we had to start from a stationary position and create the presentation in four days. It didn’t bother me because I had seen the whole Intelligence document. I thought we could do this. Frankly, a lot of the stuff will stand the test of time. Saddam was a guy who did use that kind of technology against his own people and against the Iranians and there was little doubt in anyone’s mind that if he had been relieved of UN sanctions, he would be right back in the game.”
Powell knew that better than most because of his involvement in the first Gulf war, when Saddam definitely did have chemical weapons. “Yeah, he had stocks of it. To this day it is a mystery what happened to them.” Does part of him still think, maybe it is buried in the Iraqi desert somewhere? “There are conspiratorialists who still think that, or some who point to Syria, but that’s an excuse. I don’t see anything, and haven’t seen anything in the last nine years, that would suggest it was moved to Syria or it was buried in the sand, even though, after the first Gulf war, we found jets buried in the sand. Fact is, there weren’t any programmes. And remember the argument we were making was not one of potential use, but that they had it.” Did Powell support the president? “The truth is, I thought we should see if there was a way to get rid of this problem of WMDs through diplomatic and peaceful means. I spent time with the president on that proposition and he accepted it. He went to the UN and asked for a resolution to do that. But Saddam failed the first test of it by giving us worthless documents when we said ‘show us what you got’. When he didn’t show us, and the president and Mr Blair decided we should take military action, I fully supported it and you will find nothing in the record from the UN speech and onwards that I spoke against it.” And before then, did he advise… He stops me. “Look, if    this is going to be all about this, we might as well stop”. Surely he can understand my curiosity. It was an extraordinary time. “Well it is an extraordinary episode, but it is what it is.”
OK then. Change of subject. To what extent did his time in Vietnam inform his attitude to military engagement? “Well it was my war. I spent two years there, at the beginning when it looked so noble, and at the end when it didn’t look quite so noble. I am a professional soldier who has studied war all his life, from ancient philosophers to Sun Tzu and Clausewitz, and my own thinking is that you should always have a clear political objective before you decide to use the last resort, which is force, which kills people: not only the enemy, but your own folks and the innocent civilians who get caught up in the conflict.” That’s why they call him the reluctant general? “You bet I’m a reluctant general. I’ve seen war. I’ve run wars and I think our civilian political leaders have an obligation to think things through as best they can, with as much time as they have before having to make a decision, to see what the consequences are.” I ask him to talk me through his thinking in 1996 when everyone was telling him to run for president – his polls were through the roof and even Bill Clinton, who went on to win, was saying that Powell was the one man he didn’t want to face. Was his heart just not in it? “There was a lot of speculation and I foolishly said, ‘So many people are pressing me on this I will have to think about it.’ That raised the temperature even higher, but after six weeks of not having a single morning where I got out of bed and said, ‘This is what I want to do,’ I realised I didn’t have the passion for the job a potential president must have. It just ain’t me. I decided the speculation had got out of control and we had to shut it down. My wife looked at me and said: ‘What took you so long?’ She had become part of the story because she suffered from depression and Time magazine was making a big thing of it.” And no regrets? “No, none.” Not even on the day when Obama became the first black president? Wasn’t he a little wistful then? “No, no. I have a habit of making a decision and moving on.” He may not have been a political animal, but he was a natural-born soldier.
“Yes, I responded to the structure, discipline and camaraderie of the army. You can’t imagine what it was like as a black kid going in the army in 1958, four years after the last black unit had been disbanded. We still had segregation in the South. There were still strong views in the country that black people couldn’t make good soldiers. But there was another current which said we’ve got to move them on, we’ve got to give them the opportunity. I think I was penalised in one sense but given an advantage in another, and my view was that whatever advantage you are given, take it and don’t feel guilty about it because there have been 200 years of black people getting nothing.” He believes black people in America have always had an affinity for military service because they thought it was the only way they could prove themselves the equal of a white person. “Get armed like one and shot at like one.” He speculates that if his parents – who before becoming naturalised Americans were British citizens – had taken a boat from Jamaica to Portsmouth, instead of New York, he would only have been able to rise to the rank of sergeant. “The British Army still doesn’t have a black general,” he notes.
We are on the subject of the special relationship now. He reckons the closeness comes from common beliefs in democracy, freedom and individuality “and it has always been there, apart from the War of Independence”. You just won’t let it go, will you? “Well, you burned the place, man!” He says this with a deep laugh.
He doesn’t think Alma would have cared if he had never risen above the rank of lieutenant colonel. “There is all sorts of baggage that comes with high office. Working late. The kids have to stay out of trouble – fortunately mine did.” Judging by the way he constantly refers to his wife, he is an uxorious man.
He is also a good raconteur, and even his enemies don’t deny his fundamental decency and charm: a good man in a bad administration being the usual line. He has an endearingly wheezy laugh and a slightly less endearing way of being pleased with his own folksy anecdotes, as rehearsed during his speaking engagements. “They always laugh at that bit,” he will say, or, “That one brings the house down.”
As we have seen, he likes to think of himself as quirky, even as a boss. “I liked to be goofy sometimes in meetings but people also knew: ‘Don’t screw with me because I can make you cry if I have to. I can be nasty. I can spoil your day.’ But I’ve found I get better results if I try to be affable. As well as being firm and setting high standards and forgiving errors, I like to have fun.” He also does a good Ronald Reagan impersonation. There was clearly a chemistry between them, I say, but I’m sensing not so much with the other presidents. “I got on well with all of them. They all had different styles. My job as a staff person is to adjust to their style, not expect they would adjust to mine.” He has said in the past he found Bush’s fidgety impatience irritating, along with his tendency to interrupt everyone. What about W’s habit of closing the door on him if he was late for a meeting? “He did that to everyone, even Karl Rove. It was more a joke than trying to diss me.” There were days when every king, every president, every prime minster in the world was calling him, and every reporter wanted to hear what he had to say or think. “One day you are the number-one diplomat in the free world,” he says. “Next day you ain’t.” What was it like to go from having one of the most high-pressured jobs in the world to being an ordinary citizen? Did he feel lost? “They pull out the phone, the bodyguards go away and you lose your private plane. You have to transform yourself and become something different. That begins at home.
“I was sitting at home with my wife and I said, ‘Darling, this is the first day of the rest of our lives. I won’t be leaving the house at 5.30 in the morning anymore.’ She froze. Then I could hear her muttering under her breath, ‘This fool doesn’t know how we stayed married for 50 years.’” He tells me he sleeps better nowadays. “Never pass up the chance to have a nap in the afternoon. Now I’m on my way to 76 I always try and nap for 20 minutes after lunch.” We have gone over our appointed hour. Let us end, I say, with him giving me a scoop about who he is going to endorse in the elections. Another deep laugh. “I can’t do that! Do you know what would happen to me if I did that? In 2008 I voted for Obama. For 20 years before that I had voted Republican.
“It’s going to be close. I don’t have to announce who I am going to vote for, because I am a private citizen. All I have to do is vote.”
After the third debate, Powell came out for Obama. This endorsement did not cause much surprise in Washington, given Powell’s public reaction to Mitt Romney’s claim that Russia was America’s greatest geopolitical foe. “Come on, Mitt, think,” Powell said. “That isn’t the case. I don’t know who all of his advisors are, but I’ve seen some of the names and some of them are quite far to the right.” Obama played on this comment in the debate, mocking Romney for not kowing that the Cold War ended twenty years ago.
He is now running a little late for a lunch with another general but, nice guy that he is, he nevertheless offers me a lift in his Corvette. Sadly I have to decline as my hotel is literally a couple of hundred yards away.
But I do enjoy watching him roar off, driving himself, a free spirit without bodyguards.

T.

Tamara Ecclestone

With her £1 million bathtub and 100 (and counting) pairs of shoes, Tamara Ecclestone seems to want for nothing – well, nothing except the love of an honest man. Nigel Farndale meets an heiress in search of her happy-ever-after.

Before I meet Tamara Ecclestone, I meet her dog, a small and, as it turns out, territorial long-haired chihuahua.
He has tracked me down to her upstairs sitting-room in Chelsea and is yapping at me in a determined yet unintimidating fashion.
I am waiting here while Ecclestone is downstairs finishing our photo-shoot. There are jars of sweets and novels on the shelves that are decidedly more chick than lit: Louise Bagshawe, Jodi Picoult and so on.
On the coffee table are piles of Hello! magazine and Grazia. And taking up the whole of one wall, more or less, is a giant television.
All this evidence of an unserious life is fair enough, because she is only 28, and she did drop out of university, twice.
There are also dozens of framed photographs, mostly of Tamara with her mother, Slavica, and sister, Petra; Tamara with her father, Bernie Ecclestone, the Formula One mogul; and Tamara with her boyfriend, a stockbroker called Omar (I know, I know, he’s not her boyfriend anymore. But the first part of this interview happens before all that business with him).
Some are just of Tamara – which may or may not be odd, I can’t decide. After all, she does do a bit of modelling – push-up bras mostly – so perhaps such apparent vanity is not so unusual.
A swimming-pool runs along one side of the room separated by a glass wall, which, compared with the £1 million crystal bath and the bowling alley she is having installed in her new £45 million house in Kensington Palace Gardens, doesn’t seem so decadent.
When I head downstairs past some of her art collection – which includes pieces by Sam Taylor-Wood, Tracey Emin and Damien Hirst – I find her in a long room next to her cinema.
She is wearing jeans, has a Chelsea blow-dry and is friendly, polite and open. She is also slightly breathless and punctuates her sentences with a short clipped laugh, which could indicate a certain nervousness.
She has that Sloaney ‘like, totally’ way of talking and she raises her intonation at the end of statements to make them sound like questions? She is a little insecure, I find myself suspecting.
Her father wasn’t wild about her reality show, Billion $$ Girl, on Channel 5 last year. At one point our heroine was rushed to hospital because she had a pimple.
Was that self-parody? ‘People don’t get my sense of humour. I knew it wasn’t a medical emergency, but the flip side of that is that I had bad skin growing up, and when one surfaces I’m, like, s—!
‘There was a time in my life where I didn’t even want to look at people because, like, I’d think that was all they could see. I didn’t feel confident and that’s not a nice feeling.’
None the less, ‘[My father] told me that I would never change people’s perceptions of me. Somewhat annoyingly, he knew best. At the end of the day I’m not a bad person; I don’t hurt anyone. It didn’t reflect my personality.’
Talk me through this personality then, I say. How would she describe herself?
‘I think I’m a very loyal friend, I think I’m honest and down to earth, I’m very true to my star sign because I’m a Cancerian and I’m a home bod. My sister would say I’m a feeder because I like cooking for people. Sometimes I couldn’t be happier than with a Chinese in front of The X Factor.’
When I ask her if she enjoys being photographed she says, ‘I do enjoy it, but I am impatient with all the hair and make-up. I’m the sort of person who takes a camera to dinner or a nightclub because I enjoy taking pictures of people. I tweet all my pictures, which is bad.’
Is she relaxed about others tweeting photographs of her? ‘It is bizarre when it happens, like when we were on holiday in the Maldives and these photos appeared online of me on the beach bending over in my bikini. You feel a bit violated.’
She doesn’t seem to mind being photographed in her underwear for modelling assignments, though. ‘Well, when I pose for those I’ve always been on a diet and in the gym. And you are in control of those pictures. You can say, “Stop, I don’t feel comfortable with that.”’
Well, at least there hasn’t been a sex tape of her going viral on the internet, à la Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton.
‘No. There will be no sex tape,’ she says. ‘I don’t think it could happen to me because I trust the people I am with. I trust my boyfriend implicitly. If you are famous you must take extra precautions and not put yourself in a situation.’
A few days after my interview Tamara Ecclestone is summoned to her father’s office where he shows her a video of her boyfriend in a ‘sordid sex act’.
Omar maintains that it was a one-off event at a stag do before they knew each other but Ecclestone insists she can see the two £30,000 Cartier love bangles she’d bought him on his wrist.
She breaks up with him. Tweets about how she has broken up with him. Changes the locks on their gated house in Chelsea. Heads off to LA to stay with her sister, Petra.
I’m sorry to hear about Omar, I say when I call her.
‘It was a really grim time. I’ve been mortified for my parents. They were both there and we looked on a laptop. I think it was better to find out now rather than a few years down the road when we had children.’
A lucky escape. ‘I suppose. I spent three and half years with someone and feel like I hardly knew him at all.’
At our original meeting she said, ‘If you burn me once, that’s it. I don’t believe in going back and giving people second chances, because I put so much into my relationship and friendships.’
Her first boyfriend sold a story to the papers when she was 17. Has all this left her cynical about men?
‘I still believe there is someone out there. I do believe in happy-ever-after.’
So she’s a romantic? ‘Yes, even with my parents divorced, they were so happy for many years, and my sister recently got married and had a beautiful wedding, so I do believe in happy-ever-after.’
She has a number of dogs. In her reality show she took them to be pampered at Harrods. Is it true the new house will have a dog spa?
‘No, and they haven’t been back to Harrods since. They were so unruly.’
But, she says, ‘they don’t require much in return for their love, apart from a bit of chicken.’ Pause. ‘I need to cut Duke’s balls off [he’s the chihuahua I met]. But you can now get fake balls for dogs, cosmetic ones, so I’m going to get him those so he doesn’t feel emasculated.’
So now that she no longer goes to the dog spa, what does her typical day entail?
‘Since January a lot of my time has been spent organising the Great Ormond Street party that has just been. And I’m launching my hair care [range] in November. So it’s charity and hair care this year.’
And there’s her website, tamaragivesback.com, on which she auctions three items of clothing for Great Ormond Street every 10 days. She seems to have a lot of spare stuff. ‘Girls love to shop!’
Indeed. How many shoes are we on at the moment? ‘I don’t know, over a hundred, I guess, which is absurd, according to my mum.’
Does she get tired of being labelled an heiress first, I say, rather than a charity organiser or a model.
‘Yes, and it really bothered me for the longest time. I wanted to change it and be my own person but now I’m OK with it. I could be lying around doing nothing all day but that’s not me.
‘For a while I was, like, “Why do people always want to judge me and put me in a box?” But I’m over that.’
Presumably she is talking about the time an Australian politician called her ‘pointless and stupid’ (he was lashing out about the cost to taxpayers of the Melbourne Grand Prix).
‘Yeah, that was bizarre. He used this word I’d never heard before, “bogan”. What’s a bogan? That seemed a low blow and really unnecessary. Why the hell was he watching my show?’
She got good A-levels and a place at university, but then, well, ‘I dropped out because I never really wanted to go anyway. I did a year reading psychology at UCL but it was all about statistics, which I didn’t like.
‘My parents said I couldn’t bum around so I went to work at Armani and then I started a social policy and sociology degree at the LSE, but I was, like, so desperate to leave. I did a year at both.’
Hmm, psychology. Has she ever been to a therapist?
‘Yes, when my parents got divorced, but it wasn’t for me. They didn’t say anything; they just listened.’
That’s what they are supposed to do! ‘Yes, but I could have been talking to one of my dogs and saving myself the money. I’m a talker. I talk to everyone. But I wanted answers. I could find the answers myself in the bath, or running round the park.’
She wouldn’t describe herself as contemplative, then? ‘Sometimes it’s best not to be. Sometimes it’s good not to over-think things.’
It has been reported that her father is worth about £2.5 billion. Is that about right? ‘I don’t know. I don’t think so.’ So is it more or less? ‘I don’t know. I don’t really like talking about money.’
Is she a reader? ‘I’ve just finished reading the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy.’
Shame on her! ‘I know, but it was great. I don’t know what to do with myself now. It made my life sound so dull. I thought: really? This is what other people’s relationships are like?’
And as to her own happy-ever-after? You wouldn’t imagine that a lingerie model who drives a Ferrari, is smart enough to be offered a place at the LSE and lives in a house worth £45 million would struggle to find a new suitor.
But perhaps that is me being cynical. Ecclestone seems to have a kind and guileless nature and is surprisingly unaffected by her wealth, all things considered.
And just because you are rich it doesn’t mean you can’t get hurt. I hope she does find the right man and live happily ever after, like one of the heroines in those novels she likes to read.

H.

Honor Blackman

The decaf coffee that Honor Blackman orders when she arrives at the café near her home in Notting Hill is not, apparently, one of the secrets of her eternal youth, secrets that people always ask her about. “No,” she says.

“It’s just I don’t sleep properly at night if I have any caffeine at all during the day.” For the record, her tips are eating sensibly, cleansing your face, and daily exercise, in her case Pilates and sit-ups.

But having plunged straight into her appearance, we may as well continue with it. Blackman is 86, the same age as the Queen, but my goodness she doesn’t look it. Her thick, shoulder-length hair is still set in the same way as it was when she became a screen icon as Pussy Galore in the 1964 Bond film Goldfinger, only now it is white not blonde.

Apart from that, the clear skin, the icy blue eyes, the bone structure, all are pretty much the same. And what is remarkable when you look at photographs of her down the ages is that she has never really changed.

There was never a moment when she disappeared and reappeared in a surgically enhanced state. Even her figure hasn’t altered much. The most weight she has gained since her teens is 2lb.

Her fellow 86 year-olds must hate her, I say. “I don’t think in those terms,” she says with a short laugh. “I’m used to people saying ‘I hope I look as good as you at your age’ and I don’t make any comment.” She leans forward and gives a sideways glance before adding mischievously. “Some people don’t have as good a start.” Yes, having the right genes must help, especially with skin. “My mother, bless her, I remember putting her in the shower when she was 91 – and she hated to be stripped off in front of anyone, almost worse when it was her children – and her skin, because she never sunbathed, was pure and white, and her face was pretty good, too.”

I suppose a lot of Blackman’s generation, the first true sun worshippers, sunbathing in bikinis without sun cream for protection, have now paid the price. Brigitte Bardot, with whom she starred in the 1968 film Shalako, is an obvious example. “Isn’t it strange how people go? She had – what is that word that people use these days? Drives me mad – issues. She had issues, by which is meant problems. Bardot seems to have done a volte-face from being a great sex symbol to someone who doesn’t care about her appearance, only her animals.” I’m sensing they didn’t get on. “Bardot didn’t really get to know anyone on the set because she was surrounded by people to look after her. She couldn’t be left alone, you see, because she had recently attempted suicide. I think she was frightened because it was her first film outside France. It was a nightmare really.”

Like Bardot, Blackman was a pin up, especially after The Avengers in which, from 1962-64, she played the smart and sexy, leather-wearing, judo-throwing Cathy Gale. She was always being told she was beautiful, did she believe it? “Looking back, I suppose some of it must have been true. But I couldn’t relate to it at the time. I didn’t think it was true, brought up as I was. British families then, in complete contrast with today, were always afraid that someone would be prideful and arrogant, so my mother made sure I kept my feet on the ground. I remember once as a 17 year-old I was all dolled up to go out and thought I looked rather splendid, for me, and I asked my mother, ‘Do I look all right?’ and she said, ‘You’ll pass in a crowd’. It hurt awfully. All these years later it still rankles, isn’t that pathetic?”

On a hunch, I ask if her parents had a happy marriage. “I think they loved one another but he was such a disciplinarian and so demanding that there was a fair amount of fear in the house. He was a very randy individual. It didn’t matter what she was doing or how she felt, there was no foreplay. He didn’t even come down and help with the washing up and then say ‘how about it?’”

I ask if, after all the sexism and boorish behaviour she herself encountered in the Sixties, the feminism of the Seventies came as a relief to her? “I think I contributed some of it with The Avengers. Because a lot of the fan mail I got was from women. It was enlightening. They liked the idea of a strong woman and then that character was followed by another strong woman, Pussy Galore.” Ah yes. That name. Not exactly a great leap forward for feminism, was it? “I know. The problems I had in America. They couldn’t even bring themselves to say it.”

What about the Bond scene with the Queen in the Olympics opening ceremony? Did she approve? “Wasn’t that ridiculous? But everyone seemed to love it. The Queen did play ball, but she surely didn’t enjoy the opening ceremony. I do think you should look up when your team goes by. She was bored to tears by that point because there were no horses.” Again, I’m sensing she’s not a fan. “No, I’m a republican. I think the Queen has done her duty pretty well, but it has taken her a long time to be a human being, a mother. I have to say, I found it odd that she had to read her speech to her own son on his 60th birthday. I know she has been trained not to make mistakes but surely you can talk to your son and make a mistake, if it’s someone you love. But she’s doing very well considering her age.”

They are the same age! She laughs. “Yes, you needn’t have said that. I still do my job and I stand at bus stops and drive my own car and take the Tube. If I was taken to an engagement and my time was strictly limited to an hour and a half and anyone who was a nuisance was kept from me, I think I could manage life pretty well, too.” Well, she can’t be accused of hypocrisy, given that she declined a CBE. But what is her real problem with the monarchy?

“It does seem to me, for a democracy, that it is absolutely weird that we have a privileged family as our representatives. Surely you should earn it, not inherit it through some extraordinary blood. Not very British that. The Americans think it’s wonderful, but they must also think we are all idiots.” She is keen to point out that she admires the Princess Royal. And she does leaven her comments with this little aside: “My father always made me stand for the national anthem, perhaps that was why I rebelled!”

The thing you notice about Blackman, after her appearance, is how refreshingly blunt she is. Feisty too. She doesn’t temper her opinions for the sake of propriety, and she is pleasingly unconcerned about promoting the film she has ostensibly come here today to promote. Indeed when I mention it she says: “Oh that, yes. I haven’t seen it.” It’s called Cockneys vs Zombies and it looks pretty funny, part of a new genre called zomedie, in which the traditional zombie horror movie is subverted (think Sean of the Dead). In this one it is old age (cockney) pensioners who do battle with the undead, and the running joke is that they both move at the same speed. There is one scene in which an aged Richard Briers uses his Zimmer frame to try and outrun an equally slow moving zombie.

Blackman – herself a genuine East Ender, by the way, though she doesn’t sound like one thanks to elocution lessons she had as a 16 year-old – says: “Oh yes, Richard was very funny. It was a good script but it’s the kind of film I never go to see because I’m horrified by these awful looking creatures. Was any of the language left in? Because there were so many fs and blinds.” It sure was. “Well my parents would have been horrified. I’m horrified. When I started in film there was no swearing. You couldn’t even say ‘bloody’ when I started.”

And don’t get her started on sex scenes. Oh, go on then. “It’s like sex scenes,” she says, “they were more powerful in the Sixties because they were all about suggestion. Now nothing is left to the imagination, everyone humps everyone else, all over the place. I find that boring, frankly.”

The directors were all sexist in her day, women were treated as objects. Did she go along with it? “It was accepted. You were expected to do ‘wobble shots’ [where an actress jiggles her top half].”

Her first husband was a businessman called Bill Sankey, who reminded her of her father. This was surprising given that her father, a First World War veteran and statistician for the Civil Service, would beat her with a leather strap when he was angry.

“Bill was 13 years older than me and those were the days when your husband was always right. It took me a long time to realise I was more capable than some of the men I knew. It was maddening it took so long. We were supposed to emigrate to Canada where the plan was that I would ditch my whole career, but then I made a last film in Spain and I found it lovely being away on location, not haunted by his jealousy all the time.” Did she…?

“I behaved like a very good wife all the time we were apart.

I must have been mad. I posted money to Toronto to help him get established. It all disappeared.”

Did he feel threatened by her having a successful career? “He loved the money I earned but he was jealous beyond belief. He was always looking for people to bash and it was dreadful. I suppose when you see two actors snogging on stage or screen you think they must be enjoying it, and sometimes you do, but it’s just a job. Even if it could be quite a pleasurable job when it was Sean Connery.” Did she fancy him? A roll of the eyes. “Yeees.” There was a sexual frisson on the set? “Of course.” Did anything become of it? “No, because I was married. But it was very tempting. He was so sexy. I disapprove of him strongly now.” Why? “Because I don’t think you should accept a title from a country and then pay absolutely no tax towards it. He wants it both ways. I don’t think his principles are very high.”

Blackman lives alone these days, but sees her two children (both adopted with her second husband, the late actor Maurice Kaufmann) and grandchildren regularly. She insists that she only takes work if it sounds interesting, but you suspect her still working has something to do with her Equitable Life pension, or rather her lack of one. The fund went bust in 2000 and Blackman has been campaigning for its members to be compensated ever since. She narrows her eyes jokily. “I just want justice. I was sold mine when they knew they had no money. It was fraud. I have been able to work on in this profession after 60, but others weren’t able to, and they are left so bitter. It makes me so angry. The people in Equitable Life should be in prison.”

I find myself reminded of Blackman’s reputation as a scrapper. She has, she says, “a terribly good uppercut. When I was 10 or 11 I knocked out two boys who were bullying my younger brother. I can’t stand bullies. My mother was horrified but they had to learn.”

Does she still have a quick temper? “I don’t think so, but maybe I take after my father. It’s more that I just couldn’t bear seeing injustice. I once got out of my car to intervene in a fight between a couple of boys, because it was so unfair.” And she knocked out a couple of her fellow actors during her acting career, Tony Booth being one of them. “Yes, I left one dizzy for a few minutes after giving them a karate chop on the neck. I don’t think I could do that stuff any more.”

D.

Derek Jacobi

Billy Graham put him off religion. Laurence Olivier taught him etiquette. And as for Princess Margaret? Don’t ask. Sir Derek Jacobi tells all

It would take a will stronger than mine to resist comparing Sir Derek Jacobi to the Staffordshire porcelain figurines which dominate the drawing room of his Victorian house in Primrose Hill, north London.
There are dozens of them, arranged on individually-lit shelves, as if displayed in a museum.
For he, too, seems to be on display in this room as he sits on a silk sofa, his legs crossed at the ankles, his hands cupped in his lap, his posture erect. The 73-year-old actor is wearing plum-coloured velvet trousers, a checked shirt and a gold ring on his wedding finger. He not only looks ornamental, he looks gathered, like a graduate from a finishing school. There is a lacquered Chinese screen to his right, a window looking out over a sunlit garden to his left. His hair and beard are white, his moon face pink, his eyebrow arched quizzically. All set.
“Well, we’ve done it before,” he says when I ask how he is finding the experience of being directed by his partner Richard Clifford in Shaw’s Heartbreak House, the highlight of this summer’s 50th anniversary of the Chichester Festival Theatre. “We did it at Chichester in fact. About 16 years ago. A play about Strindberg. We got on very well. There is great trust there. It’s like when I work with Michael Grandage; it’s that essential trust and belief and security. It’s the same with Richard. Their eyes are very keen. They don’t miss a thing. You don’t get away with anything unless they let you. It’s a benign dictatorship.”
Sir Derek is measured and deliberate in the way he talks, rarely expanding on a theme, unless pushed. When I ask him about gay marriage, for example, he says: “The word doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s a squabble over nothing.” Until recently he has avoided talking about his private life, declining even to acknowledge that he is in a relationship. But he always knew, pretty much, that he was gay, and he came out to his mother soon after graduating. And five years ago, when civil partnerships came into law, he entered into one. Is his a marriage to all intents and purposes, I ask?
“Richard and I have been together for 35 years,” he says. “We’ve been in a civil partnership for five years. It doesn’t matter what you call it. We don’t think of it as marriage, it’s a partnership. People are getting hot under the collar at the moment because of this word.” Liberal Tories are committed to pushing through gay marriage, but does he have any sympathy with Christians who object to it? “Well, I suppose their argument is that marriage is equated with having children, but what about couples who meet in their fifties? They can’t have children. Or what if you are biologically unable to have children? The word becomes meaningless.”
His view seems to be that, because there is little difference in law between a gay marriage and civil partnership, the latest controversies are a fuss about nothing. Is that about the strength of it? “Exactly, it’s just this word. The Church is the problem.” I take it he’s not religious then. “As a teenager I was taken to a Billy Graham rally at Haringey. At the end of it I went down to the arena to give myself to Jesus. But as soon as Graham stopped talking it was like the choir stopped singing and,” he snaps his fingers, “I felt totally conned and embarrassed. I don’t mind people having faith and finding strength in that. But it ain’t for me.”
I ask his opinion about another topical debate of which he has experience, the call by Michael Gove, the Education Secretary, for positive discrimination by Oxbridge colleges in favour of state-school children from underprivileged backgrounds. Jacobi came from a working-class background: his father was an East End tobacconist, his mother worked in a drapery, yet he didn’t need preferential treatment in order to win a scholarship to read history at Cambridge. He’s not sure that any conclusions can be drawn from his own circumstances, but he does think he benefited from having a lucky break.
“Well, I was lucky because I had been at a grammar school,” he says. “I wasn’t gifted academically but I was a swot and I adored school. I was an only child and my parents were very supportive.” His grammar school gave him a taste for acting. “I had an English master, Mr Brown, who encouraged me and put me in a production of Hamlet which was taken to Edinburgh. It got national recognition and, on the back of that, I won a scholarship to Cambridge. In my first week I got a knock on the door from John Bird, who was one of the big directors at Cambridge. He put me in a play in which I was miscast badly. I was so awful in it, everyone said I was overblown. It took me a year to get my reputation back.”
Trevor Nunn was another of the budding directors there. His peer group at Cambridge was impressive, to say the least. “My parents gave me a 21st party and there were Leyton friends at one end of the room and my Cambridge friends at the other. The cabaret was Eleanor Bron, David Frost, Ian McKellen.”
That must have been quite a clash of cultures, I say. Did his parents have cockney accents? “Yes, strong ones. Dad more than Mum. She was slightly better educated than Dad, who left school at 14.” Did they feel awkward about meeting all his well-spoken, theatrical Cambridge friends? “No, not at all. My mother was very demonstrative and loved everyone. No matter who they were, they got a hug and a kiss. They didn’t feel out of their depth at all.”
Did they worry about him becoming an actor? I mean, it’s not the most secure of professions, is it? “They did worry that I wouldn’t be able to earn a living, but they were reassured when I read history at university because they thought that I could become a history teacher if acting didn’t work out. I took the same view. I gave myself five years to try and make it.”
I suppose, unlike a lot of actors, he has never really had occasion to feel insecure about his career. “No. Mine is not a typical actor’s career. I’m very aware of that. I went straight from Cambridge to the Birmingham Rep then, after three years there, I spent eight years at the National. It was continuous employment.”
In 1963 he was talent spotted by Sir Laurence Olivier himself, who was forming the National Theatre, then based at the Old Vic. “He managed to persuade actors who were at the top of their profession to come and work for him on three-year contracts: Maggie Smith, Albert Finney, Robert Stephens – all of them had West End and film careers, and all were willing to give them up to be in an ensemble because it was Olivier asking them. They put their stardom to one side. I didn’t have anything to lose. I was only 24.”
As a young man, he was considered the greatest Hamlet of his generation but he has never been especially precious about his reputation. His attitude is that an actor has to work, and you never know when your agent might stop ringing. He gardens, reads and looks at the wall a lot, he says. And he worries about where his next job is coming from.
And it should be remembered that it was television that gave him his big break. Indeed, the role with which he is probably still most associated – the one that made him a household-name in 1976 – was the poignant, painfully stuttering emperor he played in the BBC series I, Claudius. It would be very hard for another actor to take on that role, I say, given the extent to which he made it his own.
“Well, they say there is going to be a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio so we shall see, and I’d better be in it somewhere! A walk on.” He describes the drawing room with a sweep of his arm. “Claudius was written in this very room. I bought the house 30 years ago from the widow of Jack Pulman, who wrote the screenplay, and this was his study.”
His best screen performance, for my money, was as Francis Bacon in Love is the Devil. “He lived around here, but I don’t think we would have got on. I didn’t go to the Colony Club where Bacon hung out because I wasn’t a great drinker.”
He portrayed Bacon as a tortured genius, but also a cold and callous gay predator. It was convincing, but not exactly sympathetic. “Yes, physically, Bacon was a masochist who liked being hurt, but spiritually he was a sadist. When John Maybury offered the role to me I said: ‘But I don’t look like him. He’s got such a distinct look.’ Then, after 10 minutes in the make up chair, I was looking like him.”
They weren’t allowed to use any of Bacon’s paintings in the film. “The family thought it was going to be a gay exposé, so they wouldn’t give us permission. We used paintings done in his style instead. The DVD still sells well, but I think that’s because there are some scenes in which Daniel Craig is stark-b—— naked.”
Another of his great roles was that of Alan Turing, the Bletchley Park codebreaker who was prosecuted for his homosexuality in 1952. Is it harder portraying a real person than a fictional one? “It was less so with Turing than Bacon, but there were still people around who knew him, and I’m not an impressionist. I try to get close to the emotional side of the person. You have to sound approximately right, but that is less important than getting the motivation right. That film was about breaking the moral code as well as    the Enigma code.
“Turing was charged with ‘gross indecency’ and given the choice of two years in prison or chemical castration, and he chose the latter. They inserted a capsule in his thigh which was supposed to lower oestrogen. He became depressed after that and may or may not have killed himself by eating an apple laced with cyanide. It could have been murder, because he knew too much.”
The attitude of the time was partly a reaction to the revelations then emerging about the Cambridge spies, a number of whom were gay. Being gay became associated with being unpatriotic. Well, society has come a long way since then, and there is no questioning Sir Derek’s patriotism. The night before we meet he was at a reception for the Queen. “When her face is relaxed she looks quite grumpy,” he says. “But the moment she smiles she is radiant. Beautiful skin.” He’s less flattering about her sister. “I once had dinner at Joe Allen’s with Princess Margaret. There were eight of us and I sat next to her. She smoked continuously, not even putting out her cigarette when soup arrived, but instead leaning it up against the ashtray. We got on terribly well, very chummy, talking about her mum and her sister, and she really made me feel like I was a friend, until,” he leans forward, “she got a cigarette out and I picked up a lighter and she snatched it out of my hand and gave it to a ballet dancer called David Wall.” Why? “Because I wasn’t a close friend, I hadn’t been let in yet and my goodness she let me know it.”
Well, Del-Boy’s pretty grand himself now, but I wouldn’t say he has airs and graces. There’s something surprisingly low key about him. He’s a little self-conscious, if anything. Describes himself as placid and non-confrontational. Suffers stage fright. Doesn’t like being photographed. “Yes, posing in front of a camera is a bit dental for me. Always has been. I’m fine when I’m working because then I’m in a world of pretend and imagination so I can be anything. But when I’m being myself in everyday life, that is different.”
He can’t stand seeing himself on the big screen. “I have seen myself in films but I don’t enjoy it because there is nothing you can do about it. In the theatre you can have another go. You can get it better the next night. You also have the excitement of doing three hours on stage when there are no safety nets. If they can’t hear you in a studio they move the microphone closer. If you forget your lines you can do a retake.”
I ask if there is a snobbery in the profession about stage acting being the real deal and film acting being a lesser form. “The two are different, totally different. From my point of view, the job satisfaction is greater with stage acting. It’s more exciting, more terrifying, more creative. In a film, someone else decides how much of you is shown. In the theatre all of you is being shown all of the time.”
Does that make reviews of theatrical productions seem more personal? “Reviews can be hurtful if you read them, but I haven’t read them for years. If they are good there is a danger of henceforth acting that review, if they are bad or indifferent you want to kill yourself.”
Most men retire at 65, why does he still want to do it? Is it the applause? “Not at all. If anything the applause breaks the spell and brings you back down to earth with a bump. For me it’s the journey you’ve been on, and the experience you tried to give the audience. I’m bad on curtain calls. Not comfortable with them. The evening belongs to everybody, especially if you are in a Hamlet, a King Lear, or a Macbeth, because you can’t play any of those parts on your own.”
But he has learnt to fight his self-effacing nature and accept applause. “I was told by Olivier himself that not to do a proper curtain call is disrespectful to the audience. You must be there to thank them. He said it because he’d seen me do a curtain call which was just a nod. He hauled me over the coals for it.”
Actually, that wasn’t the first time he was told off for it. He tells me that his mother also had a go at him, after the first time she saw him in a Shakespeare play. “She came back stage and said, ‘Oh it was lovely, but I’ve got one criticism. You should smile more in the curtain call, because you’ve got a lovely smile.’” And so he has, just like the Queen’s.

J.

Jimmy Carr

He doesn’t drink, rarely eats after 6pm and approaches every joke as if he were solving a puzzle. But for all his discipline, does Jimmy Carr sometimes go too far?

Sitting opposite me in a dimly lit bar in north London is a 39-year-old comedian whose appearance – black hair, black eyes, black top – seems to reflect his humour. Combined with his baby face, he reckons, this impression of blackness makes him look like a “Lego Hitler”. And it amuses him to tell people that when his girlfriend Karoline Copping, a television producer, first met him 10 years ago, she thought he had “the eyes of a rapist”.

The eyes may be one reason why passers-by give Jimmy Carr a double take, but more likely it is to do with his ubiquity – from guest appearances on BBC shows such as QI and Have I Got News For You to the shows he hosts on Channel 4: 8 Out of 10 Cats and 10 O’Clock Live. That and the constant touring he does of his live show. He tells me he has developed a comedy wiggle of his black eyebrows as a way of acknowledging fans who stare at him, without having to actually stop for a chat when he is trying to catch a train or get to a meeting.

“You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face,” he says. “So I raise my eyebrows like this.” He demonstrates. “I learned it from Jim Carrey 20 years ago when I was working as an intern in LA. I found myself in a lift with him and said: ‘You’re…’ and he did a perfect Mexican wave with his eyebrows.” Pause. “Then the lift door opened.” Carr tells anecdotes almost as succinctly as he tells jokes, talking quickly and using the f-word in the casual way that others use dashes and semi colons. “I like to write a joke without any fat on it,” he says. “The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.”

He certainly employs a lot of these short jokes in his live shows. There are always 300 in a set. One from his new DVD gives a flavour of his comic voice. “The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you’re just finding your feet.” As well as speaking quickly, Carr does something else which I didn’t notice him doing when I last interviewed him six years ago. He laughs easily, a double beat that fades away into an upper register: Ha-haaah! “Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh,” he says. “I started out deliberately deadpan, but now I do laugh more. When I look back at my old DVDs, I seem quite uptight.”

Certainly he seems happier; more comfortable in his own skin. Not worried about turning 40 next year, then? “No, I’m fine with it. I think I had my midlife crisis when I was 26. People are having them earlier. It’s to do with life speeding up. Now, I’m paid to have funny thoughts, which was all I ever wanted.” His meltdown came after he graduated from Cambridge and drifted into a job in marketing that he loathed. He gave up work, had therapy, renounced his Catholicism, lost his virginity and decided to become a comedian. “I was very secretive. I didn’t let anyone know I was doing it for the first six months. No friends and family coming along.’’ Can he remember any of his early jokes? “Um, yeah, there was this one where I said: You hear about boxers saying ‘I’m from the ghetto and there was only one way out’. Well, I was from the middle class. I lived in a cul-de-sac. There was only one way out.”

His background was indeed middle class. His father, from whom he is now estranged, was an accountant in Slough. His parents separated in 1994 and his mother died in 2001 from pancreatitis, a loss which affected him deeply.

Has he no need for therapy now? “This is my free therapy, talking about myself to you. I’m in a pretty good mood most of the time. Get a bit grumpy sometimes. But you can’t stay grumpy when you have to think of jokes each day. Joke mining.” It occurs to me that this “mining for jokes” may still be a form of therapy. At 26, he found something that chased away his black dogs. Since then, not a day has gone by that he hasn’t thought up a joke with which to do some more chasing. Indeed, he comes up with so many, usually as he is reading the papers, that he cannot help feeding them to his million-and-a-half followers on Twitter.

Doesn’t he worry that he’s squandering material? “It’s more I worry that someone will read my throwaway jokes on Twitter and think this guy isn’t as good as he used to be. If that’s the case, I want to tell them: ‘No. This is the stuff I’m throwing away. This isn’t my A material.’”

Although he has a reputation for performing jokes that can cause offence, Carr doesn’t regard his material as being gratuitously offensive. They may ostensibly be “about” rape, or paedophilia, or incest, or obesity, but, to him, the jokes are simply “about” jokes, to the point where the subject is almost abstract in his imagination.

A good example of the dangers of this approach came when he was branded “sick” by Twitter users, after tweeting a joke about a car crash just 48 hours after last month’s M5 pile up in which seven people were killed. The comic had tweeted: “A couple married for 66 years died within 3 days of each other. That’s nothing. My grandparents died on exactly the same day… car crash.” Perhaps more worryingly, he doesn’t seem to believe that people might be genuinely affronted. “I always wonder, were you really offended by that? Really? People tend to be offended on behalf of other people. I think generally people are pretty bright and they get that something is a joke and that is all it is.”

But what about the people who aren’t offended? Does he ever worry that they ought to be, just a little, if their moral compass is functioning properly? “No. Gallows humour has always been around because it’s the way that we deal with difficult taboo situations, with death and sex and things you don’t want to have to talk about head on.

“So the dark side seems like a very natural place for comedy to live. It’s difficult to come up with funny jokes about taking the dog for a walk on a sunny day… you don’t need to lighten that load. But if someone’s dying, that’s where comedy tends to occur.”

It’s an unexpectedly thoughtful answer given how cavalier Carr can seem on this topic. Black comedy saved him from his own darkest thoughts, he seems to be saying, so it might help others. In his live shows he plays to huge audiences. Presumably, though, they’re not all middle class graduates with a keen sense of postmodern irony.

Indeed, he tells me there is often a distinctive “Saturday night crowd”, which can be “quite in your face”, and which is different from the more “theatrical” Sunday night crowd. Is he ever concerned that some of the Saturday nighters might not appreciate that he is being ironic? That they are supposed to be laughing with him about the nature of prejudice, not at the victims of rape, or racism? “It will sound like I’m being overly protective of my audience, but I meet people after the show, signing autographs for them, and they’re all different ages, creeds, colours and backgrounds. The thing they have in common is a sense of humour.”

Isn’t that wishful thinking? “No. If there’s a woman in her seventies in my audience I know that there’s no point worrying that this material might be a bit rude for her. She’s fine.” Nevertheless, Carr has aroused anger in the past, in response to jokes he told about British army amputees and another (which occasioned the BBC to offer an apology) about gipsies. Over the last couple of years, however, it is Carr’s fellow comedian, Frankie Boyle, who has provoked thousands of complaints, over jokes he has told about Down’s syndrome, the Queen’s sex life and Rebecca Adlington’s nose, the last of which led to another BBC apology.

Is Carr slightly relieved that Boyle now appears to be taking all the heat previously directed at him? “Saw Frankie on Saturday for lunch when I was in Glasgow. He’s doing his thing…”

I suppose the context for this change of public mood was “Sachsgate”, the incident involving Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand and a notorious phone call. Have comedians had to become more circumspect? “Well, I’m very lucky working with Channel 4, but even when I’ve been working for the BBC they’ve been supportive and have said ‘Say what you want, we aren’t going to try and stop you.’” His defence seems to be that he and Boyle never offer an opinion one way or the other when they’re telling their controversial jokes. But did he offer Boyle any advice on how to deal with the fallout? “I don’t think he’s looking for solace, but I said to him, ‘OK, it was a joke, wasn’t it?’ There was no agenda. The media is partly to blame because they over-analyse and ask what point the comedian is making with that joke.”

That’s hardly fair. There are lots of comedians with political agendas, from Ben Elton onwards. “Yes, he did do some Labour rallies and was a brilliant and influential stand-up. But the idea that people might ask this Frankie Boyle, or this Jimmy Carr, who they should vote for.” He holds up his hands in exasperation. “No! We just want you to laugh and if you don’t find it funny, please leave, because it’s not for you.” Just out of curiosity, why is it, does he suppose, that all comedians on Channel 4 and Radio 4 are left wing? Take his co-hosts on the 10 O’Clock Show, David Mitchell and Charlie Brooker. Left of Lenin, the pair of them.

“Yes, on that show we are left-leaning and liberal but we do try and get beyond the paradigm of a two party system.” He shakes his head. “Even talking to you I’m embarrassed because why am I talking to the Telegraph about politics? There are a million more interesting people you could talk to about politics than me.” He read politics at university, though. Did he ever consider becoming a politician himself? “Not really. I was chatting to Eddie Izzard about this recently. He’s talking about running for mayor and I said I don’t understand it. Why would you go from having the best job in the world to the worst? Do you really want to spend your time organising barricades that will prevent Christmas shoppers from slipping on the pavement?”

I ask what gives him pleasure, apart from thinking of jokes. “Play a bit of tennis.” Who does he play with? He hesitates and grins. “Ah no, that would be a bit name-droppy…” (I Google “Jimmy Carr” and “tennis” later and see that his partner is Jonathan Ross.)

Another difference between Carr now and when we last met is that there’s less of him. “I know, I’m thinking of writing a diet book. Its title will be ‘Put That Down, Fatty’.” (His secret, he says, is hardly ever eating after 6pm). Carr doesn’t drink, either, but he is, he says, a caffeine fiend. “I’m a devotee of Starbucks. I’ve had three ventis today. People knock global brands but when you pull into Kings Lynn and see a Starbucks, you feel so relieved.” Doesn’t he get sick of spending so much time on tour, living in hotels? “On the contrary, they’re a home from home. Last month I spent more nights in the Manchester Malmaison than I did at home.” And his girlfriend is happy about this? “I think she’s been very patient, but I do think my work-life balance has been crap. But when you’re self-employed, you take the work when it’s there.”

I wonder if, after 10 years on the road, he couldn’t now afford to slow it down a bit? “Actually, I only work two hours a day. People give themselves years off in showbusiness, that doesn’t happen in any other job. You never meet a plumber who says I’ve been plumbing for five years and thought I’d have a year off.” When pressed he eventually reveals what really drives him: a desperate need to be loved by his audience. “A great comic is loved and I’m not a great comic. But I aim to be. I’ll work on it. I’ll put the hours in. God knows, if it can be done through sweat, I’ll do it.”

G.

Gerald Ratner

Before I meet Gerald Ratner I meet his wife Moira. She is in their kitchen, wearing sportsgear, on her way to pilates. The couple live in an Edwardian house with electric gates on the outskirts of Bray, Berkshire. It’s not the sort of grand house they once lived in — ‘The house that crap built’ as the Sun rather cruelly called it — but it is comfortable, and big enough to have a tennis court. That is where he is now, with our photographer. Just wrapping up.
I tell her that a friend of mine heard her husband give a speech recently on the rise and fall and rise again of Gerald Ratner, and thought him not only funny but engaging. ‘Oh,’ she says, in a deadpan voice. ‘I think you’ll find he’s pretty unengaging in person.’
I like him already, and her.
The ‘rise again’, it should be explained, relates to his on-line jewellery business geraldonline.com. We shall come to that. For now it is worth noting that, at its peak in 1991, the Ratners jewellery chain had a turnover of £1.5bn, with profits of £125m, from 2,500 shops in Britain and America. He had taken over the company from his father seven years earlier — when there had been 100 shops, most of which were making a loss — and had expanded rapidly, swallowing up the opposition, including H Samuel and Ernest Jones, to become the most successful jewellery business in the world.
Then came his infamous — and much misquoted — speech to the Institute of Directors at the Royal Albert Hall, the one in which he joked that the reason his cheapest sherry decanter was so cheap — £4.95 — was that it was ‘crap’. He had told the joke in public several times before — it had even been reported in the Financial Times several months earlier — and, because it always got a laugh, he thought that the line would be the perfect way to lighten what was to be a heavy speech about the business and the economy. But by the time it was reported in the tabloids the next day the quote had turned into him saying that all his jewellery was crap. Overnight, Ratners had become, to quote another Sun headline, ‘Crapners’. The Mirror’s front page informed its readers that they had been taken for “22 carat gold mugs”.
The company unravelled with astonishing speed. Women no longer wanted to wear jewellery that came in a Ratners’ box, however cheap it was. Shares plummeted. Within 18 months, Gerald Ratner was not only out of a job but broke, and broken. Gone was the yacht, the helicopter, and the chauffer-driven company cars, including a Rolls Royce and a Bentley. Both his town and country house had to be sold. He even lost his family name — the people who took over his company wouldn’t allow him to trade under the name Ratner in future business projects.
When Gerald Ratner saunters into his kitchen now, the photographs done, he does indeed seem a little disengaged, with a resigned, Eeyore-ish manner and a delivery even more deadpan than that of his wife. But there is a friendly openness about him that is disarming, and a certain vulnerability, too. Like Uncle Tom in PG Wodehouse, he has the look of a pterodactyl with a secret sorrow. But not that secret…
He takes off his tie, opens the collar of his lilac shirt, and leads the way into his sitting room. ‘My eldest daughter Suzy,’ he says, when he notices me noticing a framed photograph of an attractive young woman. ‘She works on The X-Factor. A producer. I never watch the show on principle, because I’m a music snob.’ It seems the habit of saying what he thinks, however tactless, dies hard. ‘I tend to listen to new Indie bands, which I download from iTunes. I keep telling my wife the stuff she has on her iPod is abject. There is no excuse for Westlife.’
If there was vanity once, it seems to have gone now. ‘Back in the old days someone took my photograph from below and it made my already big nose look twice as big, which I wasn’t keen on, but now I don’t care how I’m photographed. Your photographer asked me to lie down on a bench, which I would never have agreed to back then.’
Yet he did pose for that ironic — and now iconic — photograph in which he held a toy gun to his head, shortly after he became the author of his own downfall in 1991. ‘Yes, I felt cursed by that because it kept being used whenever there was a story about me in the papers. I only agreed to it because Kelvin MacKenzie, who was then editor of the Sun, said they would be more positive and lay off me if I apologised to my customers. So I played the game, and it didn’t work.’
Did he feel he was going mad? ‘It was like being in a Greek tragedy. I remember walking in Hyde Park with the dog, and there had been stories about the collapse of the company in the Sunday papers that day, and I was thinking: “This is horrendous. How could it go from the crest of wave to this in such a short space of time? How did I ever let this happen?” I was cursing myself. That was when it hit me. Up until then I thought I would get through it.’
He went to see the banks to try and find a way of rescuing the company, but he soon realised that there was an elephant in the room. ‘And the elephant was me! No one would mention the fact that I was the problem. Eventually someone did and said that I was the one who had brought all this bad publicity on the company. What could be done about it? I said there was nothing that could be done because, for the press, this story ticked all the boxes and wouldn’t go away. I mean, they only stopped picking on Jade Goody when she got cancer. Then she was popular again.’
Actually, Ratner was told he might have cancer around that time. He had an emergency operation to remove a suspected tumour from the roof of his mouth and, at that point, felt so low he considered killing himself. ‘Jewellery was all I knew. The only thing I was in interested in. Losing my family company was like loosing a child, God forbid. I suppose I become inward looking and self-absorbed but I was also as miserable as hell and there was one day when I was walking around a shopping mall that I thought, well, if it had been on the second floor, who knows? I thought of my father and grandfather building up the business only for me to destroy it. I thought of my kids growing up being called Crapner for the rest of their lives, and I just thought: “It can’t get any worse than this.” It was probably the lowest point in my life. But as Joan Rivers said, suicide is so Eighties.’
It is an odd subject for him to make light about, given that when he was 19 his sister Juliet killed herself. A defence mechanism, perhaps. ‘Religion has a lot to answer for,’ he explains. ‘I still have an affection for it and I have started going to synagogue again because it’s my roots, but Jews don’t welcome non-Jews into their family. They have this ghetto mentality. My parents certainly did. They disapproved of my sister’s boyfriend because he wasn’t Jewish and when they drove him away she became depressed and eventually took a fatal overdose.’
His parents were certainly domineering to their children. He had what amounted to an arranged first marriage the following year, with his parents buying the engagement ring and giving it to his first wife before he had a chance to propose himself. The marriage didn’t last. They had two children then got divorced. ‘I think because of what happened with Juliet, my parents were going to the other extreme of not standing in the way with me.’
His father died of the hospital superbug MRSA shortly after Gerald Ratner had re-made some of his fortune in 2001, so that was a blessing of sorts. But his mother died right at the height of the ‘Crapner’ episode, just as he was having his cancer scare.
A dark period followed in which he sank further into depression. Saw therapists. Stayed in bed all day. ‘I felt everything was against me. I did take some pills. A type of Prozac. And that was a terrible mistake because I needed to get back on my feet and you can’t do that if you are feeling half asleep. I did a lot of damage in that state because I was meeting people and not making a good impression.’
Did he confide in his wife, as well as his therapists? ‘Well I was in a bit of denial for a while, so I probably didn’t talk to my wife as much as I should of done. I was hoping it would go away and everything would be back to normal. I suppose there was an element of pride in it too.’
He found therapy, meanwhile, a fairly pointless exercise. ‘I went to see one shrink and I was the only one in the clinic apart from the actress Charlotte Rampling, so that was a nice experience, even though I was quite drugged up. She said it was all-wrong that the press had driven me to that clinic.’ The shrink didn’t cheer him up particularly. ‘One I saw just kept saying ‘OK’ and left me to do all the talking. Another one did give me one good tip. He said the man who has 2000 shops is no happier than a man who has one shop, and that helped because I realised that material things were not that important, that it was all about self-gratification.’
Talking of materialism, why did he buy a Bentley when he made some money again? ‘I thought if I got a Bentley again it would be a way of proving to myself that I had made a come back. But I’m over that now. I sold it last month because I realised how ridiculous I was being. That’s the old Gerald. It’s not me anymore. I guess I wanted to prove to everyone that I could still have it.’
The removal of his chauffer when his own company fired him in 1992 was, he felt, a particularly gratuitous insult. ‘And I wasn’t equipped to deal with it. I drove myself home that day through pouring rain and nearly ran out of petrol. I found a garage just in time, and as I pulled up to the pump I realised I didn’t know what side the petrol cap was on: the chauffeur had always filled up. After a bit of fiddling around, I eventually got the petrol cap off, but it had been years since I’d used a pump and I only succeeded in covering myself in petrol. I must confess, I actually found myself in tears at that point.’
This black dog lasted for about seven years. ‘In all that time I didn’t have a sense of humour about what had happened at all, because it was quite serious and meant all my staff — we had 27,000 — might lose their jobs. I resented what had happened because I had become known for one thing only, and that thing was stupid and negative.’
He became obsessed with fitness, especially cycling, and he still clocks up 28 miles a day. ‘Cycling beats the depression and makes your mind much more alert. I get my best ideas cycling. I’m totally addicted to it now. When I’m not cycling I go mad. Whatever the weather I have to cycle.’
He also started doing public speaking and found that when he made jokes at his own expense, the audience really warmed to him. ‘My delivery is quite deadpan, I suppose. Moira is right; I come across as quite dour and hang dog, so no one expects jokes. I think they laugh because they have such low expectations of me.’ People often come up to him after his speeches and say how much they enjoyed them. ‘They also admit that when they heard it would be me they thought it would be a miserable person feeling sorry for himself. Some people say: “You really cheered me because your situation was worse than mine.” I suppose there is an element of schadenfreude to it.’
But if his audiences come away feeling better about themselves, that is as nothing to how his after dinner speeches make him feel. ‘I do find them quite cathartic. I should point out though that if I’m self-deprecating in these speeches, it’s only because I’ve got a lot to be self-deprecating about.’
Boom, boom. Does he ever think his ordeal by tabloid might have been a positive experience, in that it has given him a form of immortality? After all, ‘doing a Ratner’, has entered the language as a synonym for being the author of your own downfall. ‘I know what you mean. In those lists of History’s Worst Decisions, I always come top, ahead of Nero allowing Rome to burn and the guy who failed to install a Tsunami warning system in the Indian Ocean.’ He rubs the back of his neck. ‘I was doing a speech at a university in the Midlands and a professor came up and said: “Do you realise you will be remembered 500 years after you die for this?” And I said: “I knew it would be with me till I die but I was hoping that would be an end of it.” It is a fact that people know me for that. I was in the Isle of Man not long ago and a taxi driver just said out of the blue: “Why did you say it?” It is extraordinary. I don’t know why it stuck, yet here we are talking about it 19 years later.’
Actually, he is being self-effacing again, because the story of his come-back will also surely feature in the obituaries. After seven years of feeling sorry for himself and, as he puts it, ‘watching too much Countdown’, he decided that the best therapy would be to start again. Realising how therapeutic he had found his cycling, in 1997 he decided to open an upmarket gym, converting a warehouse in Henley. Because no investors would go near him, he hit upon the idea of selling membership for the gym before it was even built. By 2001 it was making £75,000 a year and he was able to sell it for £3.9 million. With the money he bought himself this house, and that Bentley. He also set up his on-line jewellery business, which now has annual sales of around £25 million. Ratner says his best days are Mondays when customers have been round the shops, seen what they want, and then go online to buy it cheaper.
‘The gym was the stepping-stone and I did it with no money, selling membership in advance for a non-existent club. It was a great way of market testing something without any risk. Now with Geraldonline I am trying to manufacture products after we have sold them, because they are so quick making them for us in India.’
Has this enterprise given him almost more pleasure than Ratners, given that this has been his baby from the start, rather than something passed down to him? ‘I was happier sitting in the portacabin in the site for that gym than I was in Ratners’ huge, lavish office on Stratton Street. I felt I was really achieving something. I’d had my success taken away from me and so to get it back I really appreciated it. As Joni Mitchell sang, you don’t know what you got till it’s gone.’
Now that he can run his business ‘from a deckchair in Southend’, he finds it a bit soulless though. ‘I’m stuck in front of a computer all day. That’s why I love doing the speeches because it means I meet people. I miss that from Ratners. My trouble is, I spend too much on the Internet when I’m bored. Buying cycling stuff. And one-clicking on ITunes. Looking out for new bands.’
He may get bored and restless from time to time but he does seem comfortable in his skin these days and reconciled to his peculiar fate. A couple of years ago he even published a memoir,  The Rise and Fall… and Rise Again, which he found a therapeutic exercise.  ‘Because I’ve made some sort of a come back I can put my head above the parapet now.  I didn’t want to write that book before because my story didn’t have a happy ending.’
It is time to wind up, so before I go I feel I ought to ask my Mrs Merton style question: So, Gerald Ratner, any regrets? He has the good grace to laugh. ‘What do you think!’
OK, here’s another one, why was his jewellery so cheap? ‘Actually that is a good question. I only achieved the success I had back then because the jewellery business was so conservative and traditional. Like they wouldn’t have prices in the window, which was crazy. I came up with the idea of having one price for everything on a display. But the reason we could be so cheap was that we cut the margin, bought in bulk and used gold that wasn’t of the highest carat. It was a simple formula and other jewellers hadn’t thought to do it because they considered it beneath them.’
Gerald Ratner has acquired a degree of composure these days, it seems. The only thing that annoys him now is if the press call him hapless, as one tabloid did a few week ago, when making an analogy. ‘Such lazy journalism,’ he says with a shake of the head. A final question then. What has he learned from his extraordinary experience? ‘That there is a certain kind of peace that comes with accepting bad luck.’ Pause. ‘It was Noel Coward who said that the secret of success is the capacity to manage failure, and I have managed to be successful two or three times now, despite making that dreadful mistake.’
There is something else he has learned of course, that the only way to stop it hurting when people laugh at you is to laugh at yourself. They are making Gerald Ratner the Musical, he tells me with a grin. ‘Simon Nye is writing the music and the BBC have put money into it. I’m told the first line is “I had it all in my lap, until I said the word crap”.’ He gives an Eeyore-ish shrug and adds: ‘And I don’t even like musicals.’
It is time for us to part company — he has two children from his second marriage, as well as his first, and it is time to do the school run. Parked outside, I notice, is a smart Volvo 4×4. It’s not a Bentley, but it is new.

D.

Dominic West

He’s well-educated, handsome and impeccably connected. Then why is Dominic West so good at playing deeply flawed losers?

Before meeting Dominic West in a pub near his house in Shepherd’s Bush, I’m told by a publicist that the actor is tired of people only ever asking him about The Wire, the gritty, understated, critically acclaimed police drama set in Baltimore. Although “cult” must be one of the most overused and misused words in the arts world, it can be applied with some justification to this series, which ran from 2002-2008.

Its devotees are fanatical and there aren’t that many of them, considering the canonical status the series enjoys – it was aired on an obscure digital channel in this country and so, when word of mouth spread, most people watched the box set on DVD instead. West was its unlikely star – unlikely because his background is so very different from that of McNulty, the hard-drinking, womanising blue-collar American detective he played.

He is, after all, an Old Etonian, as well as a friend of Samantha Cameron.

He’s also married to an aristocrat, Catherine Fitzgerald. They met at Trinity College, Dublin, where he was reading English, but went their separate ways – she married Viscount Lambton, and he had a child with Polly Astor (granddaughter of Lady Astor). They met up again and had three children, all of whom came along to their wedding last year at Glin Castle, her family seat.

Given the baggage that must come with the OE label, you would think that if any subject were off limits, it would be that one. We will, of course, talk about The Wire, because it would be perverse not to – like interviewing Paul McCartney and avoiding The White Album. But for now, let us describe our man as he arrives on a bike wearing a baggy flat cap and an orange patterned scarf. He has just turned 42, and presumably the first thing casting directors notice about him is that he is tall, dark and handsome, though not in a conventional way – indeed, the words that keep cropping up whenever he is profiled are “simian” and “carnivorous grin”. He has teeth like “nutcrackers”, according to one critic. And to this descriptive mix are usually added “oaky voice”, “booming laugh” and “cut-glass vowels”.

But the first thing I notice about him is his beard. He grew it for his much-lauded role as Iago in Othello at the Sheffield Crucible, which has just finished its run. This followed another 1,000-line role in Simon Gray’s Butley in the West End. In that West played a lazy, drunken, extroverted don. He said at the time that he liked that role because it meant he got to be “monstrously camp” and “bitchy”. He has also been all over our television screens this year, having starred in the BBC series The Hour (a second series of which will start filming soon), as well as his chilling and utterly compelling portrayal of Fred West in ITV’s Appropriate Adult. On the big screen he is currently playing the baddy in Johnny English Reborn (a rare taste of critical disapproval for him this, but the critics didn’t stop it becoming number one at the box office) and he is about to appear opposite Rebecca Hall in The Awakening, an atmospheric story set in a Twenties country boarding school, loosely based on The Turn of the Screw.

West plays a wounded veteran of the First World War who is now working as a teacher. “There is an elegiac sadness to the film,” he says. “It plays with this idea that ghosts come out of grief. That they represent a human need to see people because so many had died in the war. The Twenties were a time of grief. People were living in the past because so many of their loved ones had recently died.” West’s grandfather fought at the Somme. “He got injured. Lived a long and happy life in Sheffield. He was an industrialist. We’ve got his medals and his hat. But the best research I found for understanding that period was the poetry. That was the medium of the First World War.” We talk about ghosts and I say that, annoyingly, the film gave me goose bumps – annoying because I don’t believe in ghosts. Does he? “I’m not a rationalist like you. I like to believe there are ghosts all over the place! The country house we filmed in had a lot of history. Several members of the same family had killed themselves there. The son shot himself and I was constantly trying to find that room.”

So he enjoys scaring the bejesus out of himself? “We’re drawn to that which frightens us,” he says. “Morbid curiosity. It’s the reason I like playing evil people like Iago or Fred West. We are fascinated by them.” But at least Iago is fictional. What was most disturbing about his Fred West was his normality. He seemed so matter of fact in the way he talked about his deeds. Worse, he seemed quite vulnerable and almost sympathetic. “My words were almost entirely taken from the transcripts, apart from some of his worst excesses. Everything I did was what I heard on those tapes. There was no acting involved, really. I suppose the psychopath in him meant that he looked to the appropriate adult for cues, because he had no idea what the social convention was on this. He had no understanding of what was thought to be shocking. For him, sweeping up leaves and leaving them in the garden was no different to chopping up his daughter and leaving her there.” In an interview at the time it was screened, he admitted he understood the dark sexual fantasies of West. “This is very, very dangerous territory,” he said. “But necessarily, one has something in common.”

“It got pretty dark,” he now says. “I was having bad dreams about it. It was filmed quite quickly, though, so I could come home and be with my kids and take my mind off it. I realised researching him that anyone who goes near that man, be they a biographer or actor or a relation of the victims, becomes tainted – you’re changed by him in a malign way. It’s extraordinary the power of people like that, they go on after their death. I don’t know whether you would call it charisma, exactly, but he was a lovable rogue, like Iago. Not very intelligent, but likeable and quite charming in his jack-the-laddish way.”

What was really freaky about that performance was that he looked and sounded just like Fred West, even down to the Gloucester accent. “Actually, I thought no one would buy it. But I am hyper self-critical.” I liked the way he kept chewing on his cheek. “Did I? I think that was the fake teeth which gave me even more of a monkey mouth, like his. It helped having a mouthful of too many teeth.” Meeting him in person, I realise that the cheek chewing wasn’t acting. He does it in real life, too.

Dominic West was born in Sheffield, one of seven children. His father made his fortune by manufacturing vandal-proof bus shelters. He played Iago with a Yorkshire accent. How did that go down in Sheffield? “They liked it, but I dare say there were some asking why I was doing it in a Yorkshire accent, asking if I thought Yorkshire sounded evil. But it was the opposite. Yorkshire sounds honest. Everyone calls him honest Iago. He couldn’t do what he did if people didn’t find him honest.” Of all the accents West has nailed, Yorkshire must have been the easiest.

“Yes, because that was the accent with which I used to speak. It also has its dangers, because it comes too easily to me.” What was extraordinary about the pitch-perfect Baltimore accent he adopted for The Wire was that people there had no idea he was an Englishman, though West says he found it a very hard accent to pull off. As part of his research for that role, he spent weeks shadowing real Baltimore cops as they patrolled the ghettos. Must have been an eye opener, that. “I remember my first day standing next to this guy who had been shot eight times and was still alive and his family were standing around him and I was hoping to God they wouldn’t ask me a question. I felt quite uncomfortable, because I was an actor from London. An impostor. Generally when things got exciting, I was excluded – I couldn’t go on drugs raids, for example – but I think it was just as important to learn about the boring stuff, because that is the main part of a cop’s working life.”

Can his friend David Cameron learn any lessons from The Wire about tackling the drug problem here? “Legalise it, you mean? Legalising it was one of the radical ideas we explored in The Wire, as a way of dealing with all the health issues. If you want a radical solution, that’s the way to do it, but it hasn’t been tried yet in real-life Baltimore. I think the writers thought the drug war was a waste of money and lives and that the drug dealers should be run out of town.”

Here’s a name drop, I say. I was round at Ian McEwan’s house not long ago, and I noticed there was no television. Did our Greatest Living Novelist disapprove, I asked? He did have one, he said, but he only used it like a cinema, for watching DVDs. And what was he watching at the moment? The Wire. “Was he?” says West. “That’s great. I think a lot of people did that because when they watched the box set it was quite novelistic, each episode like a chapter. Had it not been for the box set, I don’t think it would have been watched much at all.” What does he make of the fanaticism of the fans? “I do get the feeling from the people who come up to me that they feel like they are members of a secret club. The initiation to this club was sitting through 17 hours of quite impenetrable material. The harder they had to work, the bigger the pay off.”

West was most adept at acting drunk in Butley. And in The Wire too, possibly because he sometimes enjoyed the odd Scotch during filming. And, such is his conscientiousness, his “research” seems to have carried over into Iago – offstage, at least. “With Iago, I would come offstage and go on drinking,” he tells me. What, even when he had a performance the next night? “Yes. Of course. We’d go crazy. You don’t get hangovers because you’re running around so much and sweating so much. Physically, it was demanding for a 42-year-old git like me.” He’s known to like a drink, but now his run has finished I guess it doesn’t matter if he lets his hair down. “I’m in the first week of my holiday and adoring it,” he says. “But by the third week, I’ll be getting a bit antsy. We’re going to Spain tomorrow, then I’m going paragliding with my friends, and then I’m hoping to see the Dalai Lama, because I’ve been doing some work with Free Tibet. We’re flying into Dharamsala from Bir.”

I tell him my pet theory about 42 being the age at which people are reaching their creative peak at the moment: the scriptwriter Abi Morgan? 42. Professor Brian Cox? 42. Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters? 42. “I’m part of this group, you mean? Well, it would be nice to think so. If you spoke to my wife, she would say the success can be dated to me going out with her! But yes, certainly over the past five years. I suppose you get to a time in life where your peers are the people in charge, they are the people about whom books are written and TV documentaries made. They are ‘your time’.” Especially in his case, having been at school with Boris Johnson and David Cameron. “Well, yes, they were older than me, but not by much, so we were near contemporaries. I knew Boris’s brothers well.”

Any memories of Dave he’d like to share? “I wasn’t aware of him at school much, would see him around a bit, but it was Sam I knew better. My good friend Nick was deeply in love with her and resented her going out with this guy Dave. That was really how I got to know him.” Is it true she’s a secret Labour voter? “Really? Why do you say that?” Ed Vaizey MP said she voted Labour in 1997. “That’s hilarious. I can imagine she might because she doesn’t want her husband to be prime minister, though I’m sure she’s delighted he became it. I imagine she would rather have her life back. But I don’t know if she’s a Labour supporter. I doubt it, somehow. He’s very convincing in his arguments.” He chews his cheek. “I think this coalition suits Cameron well because he doesn’t have to pander to his right wing, the Lib Dems keep that in check. He can occupy the middle ground.” West has two sons. Would he consider sending them to Eton, given that in the past he has said he was miserable there? “Yes, I would. It’s an extraordinary place. When I first went there I was desperate not to become what I thought an Etonian was: a soft southerner. It was very much a north-south thing. But it did very quickly nurture my acting. It has the facilities and the excellence of teaching and it will find what you’re good at and nurture it.”

I imagine he, like David Cameron, would rather not carry the label around with him. “I don’t think it will have won Dave any votes. It certainly hasn’t won me any parts. The other day, Newsnight Review was talking about Othello and it came up in five seconds. I thought, ‘Eton is more than half my lifetime ago’. So yes, there is a stigma, and not a benign one. But I do think everyone has to overcome other people’s perceptions of them. Clarke [Peters, who played Othello and was West’s co-star in The Wire] says he gets it with ‘black actor’ but I think there is a political will not to do that now. Old Etonian is attached to my name at every opportunity to explain what? I don’t know. Why I am such an a——-?” The booming laugh again. He doesn’t really think he is one, and I’m inclined to agree.